projects

I finally finished one of my projects the other day. I have been working on refinishing my thrift store kitchen table find. It was my first time refinishing anything and it was A LOT of work. My $20 table became a $70 table by the time it was all over with but it was totally worth it. I had a huge sense of accomplishment when I finished it. There was a huge scratch and what seems to be some kind of acid spill in the middle that I was not able to sand out all of the way but in my biased opinion it just adds character.
Rice and I decided to start fostering animals at the Jacksonville Humane Society so we went over and signed up. I got a call a few days ago and we got our first foster. Meet Levi!
He is a 3 month old boy kitten. I have never met a cat like this before and fostering--so far--is completely different then what I had in my mind. Levi is super sweet and will start purring if you even look at him but he is absolutely terrified. He won't come out of his crate during the day except for eating and using the litter box. He never plays and I have never seen a kitten who will not play. I have to lay on the floor and pet him in the crate most of the time. He is terrified of Taison (who wouldn't be) so Taison cannot enjoy him at all. On top of that this little guy has a cold so I have to give him medication every day. It makes me sad to think of the life that this little guy may have had so far and it makes what we are doing seem all the more important. All this guy needs is a quiet home with a lot of love.

My next project is making myself a spring/summer dress! This will be my first official garment for myself and I hope hope hope it is wearable. I picked an easy pattern that may not be the most flattering but looked super simple. I think with a cropped jean jacket and some sandals it could look okay...hopefully.So stay tuned for updates. What projects are you working on?

frog pillow

Okay so I am trying to teach myself how to sew. My mom sent me some of her scrap fabric and an old pattern for animal pillows. It took me ALL DAY to sew this frog but I did it and to my amazement it turned out right! I didn't have any pillow stuffing around so I just stuffed it with newspaper being that it was just a practice thing anyway. Taison loves his new frog and I feel like I am one step closer to sewing my own garments! YAY!

And this is me SOOOOOOOO happy that my frog turned out LOL

Have a great night!

A good day!

Today was a good day. Woke up at 8am and went to my annual gyno appt. I love my doc and we had a great talk about breastfeeding. He said I am in perfect health and that I am O.K. to get pregnant again whenever I am ready. WOOHOO! Then came home and took a nap with my little man. We got up and I worked out to the 1st vid on Jillian Michaels 30 day shred(I almost died...it was awesome!). Then we packed up and went swimming with hubby at the HUGE indoor pool here for the 1st time. Taison loved it and threw a MAJOR tantrum when it was time to leave. Now we are home, showered, warm, and hanging out until bedtime.

Thursday, January 22, 2009 naptime experience

Calm, quiet, listening to the heated air blow through the vents in the hall, sun splashed onto my walls in the wild geometric shapes of the blinds or reflections of CDs strewn about. I can see runners outside leisurely jogging down the road toward the trails, snuggled up in their PT-gear sweatsuits or decked out in expensive winter jogging attire, soaking in what is left of the afternoon sun. Kids playing across the street on the old wooden playground equipment. Swinging on swings that I know from experience creak, their mothers huddled together discussing when and where the next big sale will be. Eating homemade meatball soup that is so hot it almost burns the tongue with chunks of toasted, crusty, oatmeal bread dipped into the perimeter of my bowl that soaks up the tomato and beef broth. What seems like millions of tiny fingerprints and smudges line the lower 2/3rd's of the screen door. Autographed by a toddler. Silence except for the tap-tapping of the keys and space bar on the keyboard as Taison...is taking a nap.

From the book Mothers Need Time-outs Too

What gives you goosebumps? Certain musical moments give me goosebumps e.g., songs that evoke a memory, certain voices, and certain riffs.

What could you chatter about incessantly? At the moment--Great Danes. I want one so bad!

What do you want to learn more about? Myself

What or who do you want to feel more connected to? Myself

What do you do that simply feels right? Breastfeed and co-sleep, eat right and exercise, and always try to learn something new everyday.

Guilty feelings rant(bad grammer, misspellings and all)

My feelings of guilt have been growing steadily for the past few months. As Taison get older I am finding myself wanting to get out and do things more often. He is not an infant anymore and I am pretty comfortable leaving him with Daddy for a few hours. At times I feel great...inspired to go out and conquer the world lol. All I really want to do is go kayaking for the first time, go hiking, mountain bike, or buy rollerskates and skate outside. I have been on a road to self-discovery and have never felt this close to being happy but there is something that is keeping me from letting go completely. GUILT! Guilt from what I think my parents and family think about my decisions, Guilt from what I think society thinks I should be doing. Guilt from what I think my husband or his family thinks I should be doing. Guilt from me about what I have internalized about what I SHOULD be doing at this point--which is this--going back to work! Of course another income would help out but we are not hurting. It would put that dream of home ownership a lot closer at this point and I would not have to feel so guiltiy about spending money on things like my hair or makeup. But I would totally sacrifice my happiness. It is a choice between finally living the life I want, being "outdoorsy", cooking, spending time with my family, watching my son grow, being active, having plenty of time to really soak up and learn from my classes, with plenty of time for reflection and healing my broken pieces OR working a full time job and trying to fit the rest of that in there somewhere. I worked from 14-23 and never had time for a quater of that stuff. Every day was centered around what time I had to go to work and what time I got off. Then I would throw in eating, sleeping, and socializing and that was about it. I was SOOOOO depressed and seriously would sit at my desk most days trying to figure out how to escape the viscious cycle of the day to day. It was maddening! I do think that I would like to work again at some point after I finish college and can do what I would like to do--or at least be on that path--but for now I feel like this COULD be MY time. These have the potential to be some of the best years of my life I think. But what about my husband. Shouldn't he be able to do the same thing?! I'm sure he would love to galavant around doing whatever he wanted and having loads of fun and "me" time too. But by me not working the financial burden falls on him. Who is to say that I should not go to work and let him stay home? It makes me feel so guilty! Plus, these things take money;kayaking, buying roller skates, hiking gear, shoes, sportsbras, books. None of these things are necessities that apply to my "job" of raising our little guy and "keeping house". I feel so guilty even thinking of purchasing them. It feels so wasteful. On the other side, its ME. I am not a waste so why should I feel guilty about buying something that would aid in my heppiness. If I need a new sportsbra so that my boobs aren't flopping around while running then I deserve it dammit. UGH!

I know what the correct answer is in order to live MY life with no regrets. The problem is that the correct answer for me just does not seem to match society's answer. It is sad!

words of the day with random picture

To sum up the day: happy, productive, accomplished.

I am so reluctant to use the word happy...Hmmm...