unedited morning journaling

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So today I took Derek to his 4 month old well-baby check up appointment.  Can't believe he is 4 months now and I'm ecstatic about it.  Just think, within the next couple of months he will be crawling and eating food!  Oh ya, and we are officially 1/3 of the way through the first year.  I'm not a baby person so I don't enjoy the first year much.  I am more of a toddler gal. Taison is doing a lot better with the whole Derek situation now.  I think we are out of the worst now and he seems to really dig him more every day.  Rice won us a free laptop by accident and it came yesterday!  It is what I am using to write this on right now.  We're going to share this one and I can use it at school if I need to.  Exciting!!  I am slowly getting back to my self again.  I think I will get there a lot faster this time around.  With Taison I didn't even start doing any "Abby" activities until Taison was a little over a year old.  The one thing that is not going so well is the weight loss as I have been 185 for a month now.  BUT, I can't really blame anyone but myself because I haven't been eating consistently well yet.  I also have not been drinking enough water.  Soooo, what can I do to alleviate this little issue?  I need a new water bottle...and maybe a chart of some sort on the fridge to keep me motivated for awhile.  As far as eating, well, I need a meal plan basically.  Before I do that though I need to figure out how many calories I need right now.  Always fun to guess at this number when your breastfeeding.  I've also been doing a little work on my time management.  I have been keeping tabs on my activities and as it turns out I DO in fact have time for everything I want to do.  I just don't have seemingly endless blocks of open free time like I did before Taison and Derek came into the picture.  What I'm trying to say is that I can do it all, but just in small increments during each day.  The one thing I haven't picked back up yet is sewing.  I could easily do one step a day on a garment and finish it in a week or two, I'm just trying to decided if the payoff is good enough giving that I am losing weight and won't be able to wear it for long. 

Okay what do I want to get done soon...
-pluck eyebrows
-finish and put up trash bag Halloween decorations
-do a run/walk
-do a 10 min. stretch
-do some light strength training
-cook dinner
-do a couple of 20 min cleaning blocks
-find and purchase Derek a Gator's shirt
-shave
-FINISH MY RECERT for NASM!!!
-Call UNF and make sure I am ready to go for spring registration

These are those moments when I look at my list and realize that if I didn't have small children I could easily get all of this accomplished in one day.  Buuuuuuut, I don't.  My reality is that my little one just got shots today so he will probably have a low grade fever today, tonight, and maybe some of tomorrow and my little toddler wants to do what he wants when he wants which pretty much is playing outside ALL day.

I think that concludes my random thoughts of the morning so far.  Peace out and see you next time.

the life of one stay-at-home-mom...

My time management needs some work.  There, ahhhhh, that first step is always the hardest right? 

So...what am I going to do about this little issue?  I have vowed to write down all of my activities for a week so I can see where I can be more efficient and plan accordingly.  Yesterday was my first day and as I looked back on my day I giggled.  Instead of doing anything in large blocks of time which is what I thought I was doing, my day was a LONG list of 15 minutes activities for the most part.  I thought it would be fun to write everything I did here and preserve a day in my life as a stay-at-home-mom with a toddler and infant.  So here it goes...

Woke up by kids at 9am

hang out with kids...

make everyone breakfast, eat, put away clean dishes, change diapers...

hang out with kids...

kid's baths...

rock baby to sleep...

hold/nurse sleeping baby while watching latest episode of Vampire Diaries and start a new movie...

make Derek's 4 month old well-baby checkup appointment...

hang out with Rice and kids...

pay bills...

put Derek to sleep...

stretching...

work on/plan finances...

facebook...

hold both kids...

hang out with Rice and kids...

laundry...

make everyone lunch, eat...

feed Derek...

hang out with kids...

groom myself (ie. shower, brush teeth, etc.)...

more laundry...

hang out with only Taison...

planning/reviewing goals...

outdoor cardio with both kids in tow...

more laundry and cleaning...

Make everyone dinner, eat...

more planning/appointment making...

email...

try to learn about selling on EBay/hang out with Taison...

put Taison to sleep...

EBay learning again/work on my first listing...

watch another part of movie...

1:30am  BEDTIME!!

While this is not every single thing I did yesterday (extreme multi-tasking is a mom must) it sums up the major stuff pretty well.  What can I look forward to tomorrow?  Pretty much the same thing, with different to-do's/errands.  And so on and so forth.


I have a little over three more years of being a stay-at-home-mom/student left and while the kids and I absolutely love it, sometimes it leaves me feeling like this...

NIN-Everyday Is Exactly The Same

: )  What are your days like?

100 posts strong!

I've had this blog for three years now and I just hit my first 100 posts milestone.  Thank you blog for always being there for me.  Thank you blog community for being who you are but more importantly who you're not.

A journal prompt...

from Dave Ellis's Becoming a Master Student.

What I want from my education is...

Options, self discovery, and self-actualization.  An education is something that no one can take away from me.  It opens my mind and therefore the world up to me and the knowledge I gain gives me power.  It opens up career opportunities that I would not be privy to without it.

When I complete my education I want to be able to...

Make a comfortable living for myself and my family and be happy doing it. 


I also want...
My children to see me finish something and set a good example for them of commitment, integrity, determination and accomplishment.  I want to equal my husband in education.  I want to be as self-reliant and independent as I choose.  I want to make sure that should I decide to further my education, I will be in a  position to do so.

workout blahness...

So I used my workout today to attempt to exercise a few demons. 32 minutes of trying to ride as fast as I can hoping that I can leave some of this shit behind me. This is often what ends up happening during my workouts where I am alone and have access to my music. Anyway, it never works but it does help to feed my anger which in turn feels good to me (think strong, empowerment, control) and helps me kick my workouts up a notch which is usually a good thing. Well, I am still supposed to be taking it easy with my workouts and I did not today which in turn left me with getting off of my bike with a limp (went away after a few minutes though).

My playlist for today was...on repeat
Eminem-Beautiful

Eminem-I Think My Dad's Gone Crazy

Incubus-Pistola

My last thought for this post is that this was the first time I have worked out "by myself" since the baby was born 7 weeks ago and I needed that shit! Good shit! :)

SUPER grammerless rambling straight from brain to keyboard (no filter) about my mother

Okay these are literally thoughts with no filter so excuse misused/mispelled words and gross grammar.

So today I had an epiphany. I hate my mother and don't want to be like her at all but people tell me a lot that I am just like my mother, both in mannerisms and character. Generally, I try to do the opposite of what she would like it is always in the back of my mind...what would she do, okay I will do the opposite.This brings me to what I was pondering this evening. Right now I am a stay at home mom(so was she) and I have a hard time imagining myself in any 9to 5 career. I just can't figure out what the hell to do with my life without wanting to off myself on the interstate on the way to work every day. I have thought librarian, therapist, writer? What? I have learned about myself that I need a lot of alone time for intro/retrospection. I kind of stay inside my own head most of the time just thinking about things. Well, I feel like because I feel this way (about not doing the career thing) that I am being like her and shunning the outside world. Which makes me crazy because normally I would do the opposite but I know that would make me unhappy. So I feel like I am one step closer to becoming my mother which is one of the worst things in my mind that I could become or be like. It is suffocating being her daughter. Obviously I can't get away from her DNA and whether I like it or not I have it in my genetic makeup. So,I will be like her in ways whether I like it or not. A thought that I would have rather never been born than to recreate her in any way. Anyway, this all led me to think that lots of people don't do 9 to 5 jobs and probably feel the same way that I do and that doesn't mean they are becoming my mother so why should I feel that way. Ugh, I had all this clear and in order in my head not 30 minutes ago and I was begging myself not to lose it and now it is gone. I can't remember how it all went together. Basically, I can do whatever I want and it doesn't matter because this is just something I will deal with for the rest of my life. I can see myself worrying about if I being like her as an old lady. The bigger picture being that every single person on this planet is dealing with little idiosyncrasies such as this in their lives and that is just one of the things that comes with my little person package.Well, anyway here is something else I have just realized. I hate my mother not only for the way she was but for the things that she indirectly took from me during my time with her. Things that I can never get back. I am still so bitter and I know it is not good for me, or rather, have been told that hundreds of times, but as of right now I don't know if that will ever go away. I often wonder what I will feel when she dies. Will I have regret? Will I feel free of her? Will I be happy? Will I be sad? I hate that I am bitter and resentful due to other's actions. I hate that I let them affect me this way. Well, there are too many new things popping up in this noggin of mine and I can only type one sentence at a time. I may be back later, maybe not.

news but no news

Well, this is the belly at 37 weeks. I have not forgotten you blog, I'm just desperately trying to keep my depression above water a.k.a. no delving into my deep feelings and writing about them. Other than that I have done a TON of cooking but am too tired to post about any of it and I haven't touched sewing for months. I am looking forward to it though once I start losing ALL this WEIGHT!! That's all for now. Next time we meet I may have a pic of my new little one to share. Happy blogging!

New books and baby bump

Oh ya! I forgot to tell you all that I have acquired four new sewing books that I am currently reading cover to cover. So exciting!!! Yes, I am a nerd. So far they are GREAT and really informative. I can't wait for my body to finish "expanding" and then to "shrink" back to a stable size so I can really get down to mastering fit. Oh and just for giggles here is my current 27 week baby bump/mountain. :)

Pattern review-Simplicity 3762/View B

Pattern Description: Maternity knit and woven tops

Pattern Sizing:Size R5-14, 16, 18, 20, 22; I made size 20 (GAH! I wanted to cry, joys of pregnancy)

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes, minus the inset. (Sorry for the blurry photo)

Were the instructions easy to follow?The instructions were a little more complicated than I thought they needed to be but I was able to follow them okay. It seemed like there were a few things that could have been done an easier/better way if one knew how and had the confidence. I had some ideas to make things easier but just went ahead with the instructions.

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?I like that these will feel good during my pregnant summer months due to simple fabric choices, but I feel like these are a little "overly" maternity. Just because I am pregnant doesn't mean that I want my clothes to scream "maternity". Also, the casing for the elastic seems too small to get the elastic stretched evenly throughout. My fingers were raw trying to ease it all the way around. I couldn't get it right though so the elastic part is a lot tighter than I think it is supposed to be.

Fabric Used:100% cotton knit

Pattern alterations or any design changes you made:Once I finished the shirt and tried it on the inset was huge and gaping so I just cut it out. Once I did this however the casing that houses the elastic kept flipping up and showing. See below for my ideas on this.

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?I don't think I will make this view again because it was not very flattering for my "pregnant" arms but I will try others on this pattern. I will leave out the insets from now on and I will be using a different method on the elastic casing part and definitely making it wider.

Conclusion: Though there are much cuter maternity clothes RTW in stores I do have to say that this shirt is super comfortable. I will keep this one for around the house and try some of the others on this pattern. If you have big upper arms I would not recommend this view though because it was rather unflattering on me.

The new robe is done

So here it is! I don't think that I posted a pic of the last one or did a pattern review on it so...

Pattern Description: Toddler's robe, belt, tops and pants: Unlined robe has hood, long sleeves and self belt; tops have VELCRO closure at shoulders and long sleeves; top B has ruffle as lower edge; pull-on pants has elastic waist; pants has ruffle at lower edge.

Pattern Sizing:Sizes 1-4; I made size 4 for my three year old.

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes

Were the instructions easy to follow?Very easy

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?I love how quickly this goes together and it only has 5 pieces. It's not the prettiest on the inside but its unlined so that is just me being picky.

Fabric Used:US Air Force Fleece

Pattern alterations or any design changes you made:No changes but I did accidentally cut both of these out upside down. Oops! I really need to stop cutting at night when my brain is frazzled.

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?This is my second time sewing this. I sewed it in a size 1 originally but my little guy outgrew it. I am actually thinking about making the size 2 and 3 as well and then my new baby will be able to run through them when he becomes a toddler. I definitely recommend this pattern for an easy, quick toddler robe.

And here is the old one since I don't think I posted it here before. Yes, we are Gators fans here. :)

new robe for Taison in the works...

Okay, about my new sewing venture...its going to be another robe for my little guy who is three now. Same pattern as the last one (which was Florida Gators fleece) but three sizes bigger and this time he picked out US Air Force Fleece. Go figure since hubby is in the Navy. Ah well, the boy saw jets and wanted jets. So fabric prep is done, machine has been threaded, notions have been bought, layout, cutting, and marking are done--I am ready to sew this baby together. Here is the ridiculous part! I cut it out upside down AGAIN! I did the same thing to the last one I made. Either this thing is cursed or I need to stop cutting at night before bed. Hmmm, probably the latter. At least its just a fleece bath robe and not something uber expensive.

Mini Penne with Parmesan Chicken

Okay peeps I cooked again. Actually I have cooked a lot since I was here last but the only one that goes here is from Giada's cookbook. (Check a few posts back if you don't know what I am talking about)

This time around I made Mini Penne with Parmesan Chicken and it was a hit! This cookbook is GREAT! The downside was that this dish has altogether over 4,000 calories in it. So just beware and watch what you eat the rest of the day. I love pasta and I love when I can combine flavors I would not have thought to combine and have them turn out so good. I get all that in this dish and hubby loved it too. Can't find a pic right now, sorry.

That's all I wish to delve into right now, just know that I am sewing something new right now...

too much

Gosh, I have wanted to post for days as there is so much bouncing around in my head but the task of getting it down here is too daunting.

Sooooo, I will just say that it has been an emotional rollercoaster the last few days and once again I am the only one who knew about it. I sometimes find it hard to believe that there can be so much going on inside of me and yet I must look like some emotional void to the rest of the world. I guess that I really am that good of an actor, without even trying. It gets annoying sometimes. It would be nice to be tapped into or noticed sometime.

Okay good night for now.

Big sigh

It is almost 7am and I STILL cannot go to sleep. I can't do this shit anymore...living...yet I keep doing it. I forget what I am fighting for sometimes...everything kind of gets overshadowed sometimes...I'm not even fighting, I'm only existing. What kind of life is that? I don't have anything left for the people I love. I'm starting to hate my birthday a little...its becoming more like the day I died than the day I was born. Not my fault but eh...life's not fair, right?

more from Giada De Laurentiis' Everyday Pasta Cookbook

Three new recipes today...

-Bruschetta with Frisee, Prosciutto, and Mozzarella-These were another appetizer from the front of the cookbook. Basically they were like little sandwiches but YUM!! They were drizzled with a Red Wine Vinaigrette, my first, that was also from the cookbook. It was delicious and I ended up using some on a salad I ate later. Lastly, I made Creamy Orzo and oh man it was good. It was also very satisfying to sit and watch my three year old eat tomatoes, onions, and peas(all contained within this dish) and love it. This is once again not my photo but it is what I made. Try this, you will love it!









Well, contrary to how this post may sound right now I am actually drowning in depression right now as always and don't have any more in me to just fake so I am gonna bow out of here for tonight and head into the land of music. 'Night...

A catch-all...

So this is going to be a little of a catch-all. I have a few things rattling around in my noggin and just need to get them down/tell someone.
First, and most pressing is that our heater seems to have broken. It is 65 degrees in our house right now and its the middle of the night. I shudder, pun intended, to think how cold it is going to be in here by morning. Luckily we live in Florida so its not like we are going to freeze or anything. Maintenance will be getting a call from me in the morning...just one of the perks of on-base housing.
Second, with regards to the weather, my seeds are sprouting!!! I documented the beginning of my first container garden here and I am happy to say that it seems to be working. I will give them a little time to become more visible before I photograph them and post here. If all goes well then I will just need to thin them out a little and then go get my two tomato plants and I will be well on my way down gardening lane. Gosh I am so corny sometimes.
Third, I recently got back into sewing and made up a quick knit maternity top. What should have been an easy, quick, comfy top ended up being a disaster that sucked up all of my sewing mojo and spit it out. I will be posting a review soon for that...ugh I don't even want to post any pics but I will. Soooooo, I am getting my mojo back slowly and since I am all preggers and fat and my body is, and will be, ever changing for probably the next year I am focusing on educating myself on all things sewing. I had just started down the "pants fitting" journey before I got pregnant and I still want to master this. I ripped into my "to donate" bag and got out all of my old jeans that I liked but had minor issues and I have started deconstructing them and cataloging measurements, fabrics, design details, etc. I plan on making simple patterns from these and comparing them to each other and to other pants patterns I buy/have to help with my fitting issues. Eventually, I will know my lower body like the back of my hand and be able to fit it like a glove. I found a lot of great fashion design textbooks online as well and have added those to my wish list. I looked up some design school course outlines to see what they basically cover to guide me. I saw things like color theory and design, textiles, fashion drawing/sketching, and obviously they are well versed in the construction of garments, etc. I know zip about most of these things but can see how they would all help me in my quest to becoming a great seamstress. Some of you are probably thinking that this is WAY overboard but this is just the way I do things. As my husband often says about my slightly obsessive compulsive personality, "I go hard." I completely immerse myself in things and soak up anything I can find on the subject.
Fourth, I cooked something new today. Well, I almost always cook something new. What I mean is that I cooked something that I have never had before, French Onion Soup. I got the recipe out of my giant Better Homes and Garden Cookbook (Love this cookbook by the way and you can get your copy here if you want). The soup was low calorie and even though the taste was different than what I am used to it was a bit addicting as I downed three servings of it. My three year old even liked it and that is saying a lot!

Have I mentioned it is COLD in here!!!!

just chatting into cyberspace

Okay so we are on day three of the garden. Still no seedlings but I shouldn't expect to see anything for about another four days. I really suck at remembering to water them daily so they have been getting their watering at about 3am everyday as that is around the time that I remember.

On another note, my little one turned three today. What a big day! We had a small party for him with some family and his little cousins. He had fun, there were gifts, there was cake, it was all good but my goodness was that stressful. I have never been more sure that I am not the entertaining type. I was stressed out all weekend about having people flowing through my house. I believe that everyone has a personal space all their own. It may be small or large but it is private and relaxing for them. Maybe it is your car, or the bathtub, or your bedroom or office. Well, mine happens to be my entire house. I hate having people in my house around my personal things and everything in my house falls under the category of "my personal things". Its one of the things I have a really hard time with about being married/living with someone because my husband has friends and family over sometimes and of course it is his house too so that is his prerogative but I get very uncomfortable until everyone leaves again.

On to sewing...I have been getting the sewing itch back lately. I cleaned my sewing space up and there are tons of new cute patterns to be made BUT I am still a big fat pregnant lady for a few more months so I bought a maternity shirt pattern for now just to be working on something. I have some purple jersey in my small stash but I need to pick up some tissue paper for tracing the pattern and then I can get started. I'm sure I will let you all know when that is. Okay, enough for tonight.

My first garden

I have wanted a garden for years now but we do not own our own home so that poses a problem. I learned about container gardening a few years back but the timing just wasn't right for me. For the last couple of years I have adhere to "clean eating" which is basically eating things from as natural a source as possible. Think, as unprocessed as possible while still being healthy. So, I find myself in the grocery store week after week buying the same things over and over; fruits, veggies, lean proteins, complex carbohydrates, healthy fats. I'm sick of buying things I could grow on my own.

On with my little story, I bought containers and my soil mixes and some seeds and went to town on my back patio.

I need to keep track of what I am doing so I will just jot down what I did here for observation purposes.

My soil consists of:
1/3 perlite
1/3 peat moss
1/3 potting soil and/or potting mix

I will be using Fish Emulsion for fertilizer bi-weekly

I planted the seeds for:
Black Seeded Simpson Lettuce (looks like leaf lettuce)
Wild Arugula
Large Leaf Italian Basil
Italian Flat Leaf Parsley
Little Gem Lettuce (Romaine Type)

I planted these today and they all say that they should start coming up in 7-10 days. I don't REALLY know what I am doing so we will see what happens. Here's to hoping!

I also purchased some seeds for tomato plants but I don't want to have to start them inside for 6-8 weeks so I may just go buy two tomato plants to put in my pots instead.

When/if the seeds sprout and come through I will take pictures and post them here. Feel free to leave me any tips/tricks in the comments. I need all the help I can get here.

Cooking!

I watched Julie and Julia a couple of weeks ago and of course was inspired to cook my own way through a cookbook. I do all of my cooking out of my cookbooks anyway and I love trying new recipes (just ask my annoyed husband--we never eat the same thing twice) so it was a perfect idea...thanks Julie and Julia!

I am taking a much more casual approach to this whole thing and I probably won't blog about every thing I make but you get the idea. The cookbook that I will be using is Everyday Pasta by Giada De Laurentiis. You might know her from Food Network. I LOVE Italian food so I am pretty excited.

Today, I started out with the first recipe in the book for Baked Caprese Salad which is an appetizer and Wagon Wheels with Artichoke Pesto for the main course. Let me just say, wow! Yummy Yummy! My kid was chowing down on the pasta and secretly I knew he was eating artichokes, among other healthy items. Hubby even liked the appetizer and that is pretty big considering he is usually afraid of any "too-healthy" looking items. These are not my pics but these are what I made. Definitely give these a try!

yet another dream...

Okay let me see...
Well, last night I dreamed that my step-mom was cheating on my dad and she happened to show me the incriminating evidence, kind of accidentally. My dad was really bummed and had a hunch that she had been cheating but didn't have proof so I had to make a really hard decision. I had to decide which one I was going to be loyal to. (always a really fun thing to do as a kid--I was still in high school in the dream.) So I sucked it up and went with good ole Dad. To make a long dream short I ended up telling him and showing him what I knew and let him make his own decisions about what he wanted to do. I felt really bad for my little sis in the dream though because she was not yet a teenager so I knew it would be rough for her if her parents split up. Divorce sucks. I have only begun to realize in the last few years how much that statement is true. Honestly I felt bad for all parties involved, even my step-mom. Before I woke from my dream I was just hanging back watching this small family to see what would come of it all. I remember hoping that everything would somehow be better in the end for at least my step-mom and my Dad. I wanted them both to be happy. My little sister? Well, I knew she was pretty much screwed because kids inevitably get the really shitty end of the divorce stick.


I also caught on to this key clue. My role in the dream and how I perceived myself in it was that of an uninvolved third party. I was involved but only just enough. I felt that I was an unaffected outsider for the most part. This is how I have played my roles in my real life family as well, for mandatory coping reasons I am sure. I found it interesting that I viewed it that same way in my dream because this is not how I would like to be but more of an automatic thing.

Okay, have a great day! hehe

dropping by in the middle of the night

Okay so it is 5:30AM and I am still not taking my ass to bed. Don't get me started on how much I love the middle of the night. Anyway, I just stumbled onto this song and I am totally digging it. So much so that it is going on my damn blog.



Okay well I guess I am going to grab the Zune and head in to join my fam in the bed. Looks like I am going to need some music in my ear to coax me to sleep tonight. Bring on NIN, unconventional lullaby, I know. See you on the other side!

funny fish

Well, another dream last night but I don't feel like rehashing it all out this morning. I will say that it was it was comical, I was rebellious and it seemed to be centered around me having zero respect for my mother.

On another note, there are three fish our tank that are in the middle of some breeding war. I watch them during the day sometimes and it is becoming quite hilarious. There are two males and one female. Both of the males have spent countless hours building these elaborate nests and trying to seduce the female to come and lay her eggs but she wants nothing to do with either of them. This morning I saw that they were stealing from each others nests! I mean that is LOW! It makes them really mad too. I imagine them running away with leaves in their mouths screaming, "Take that fucker!"

another dream...

Well, I debated about whether or not I should put this here but what the hell. It was a dream and I can't control the things that go through my crazy pregnant mind in the middle of the night. So...
Last night in my dreams I had semi-sexual relations with one of my first cousins. We made it to about 2nd base before we got CAUGHT by my whole family! All I can say is that it was closer to a nightmare, for more than one reason. Well, I am off to start my day.

T-shirts and pajama pants

T-shirts and pajama pants, the hum-drum of every wardrobe. Here is the major malfunction with mine.

Problem #1 My t-shirts are too old. I mean ridiculously old. I am still wearing around shirts from the '90's. Every single one of them is stained, ripped or holey. The fabric has worn so thin that I could rip them apart with my bare hands without putting in any effort whatsoever. I fear that they will fall apart in the washer, which has happened to me in the past sorry to say.

My excuse: I am a loser and never go anywhere or do anything in which I would be entitled to a new t-shirt. Or, my t-shirts are simply too sentimental to me to ever get rid of them. I mean who doesn't love to wear an old holey t-shirt to bed? I am pretty sure that I am dealing with a little of both here.

Solution: My goal is to get rid of all of my current t-shirts and start anew. If I want t-shirts then I will have to earn them by running 5K's, donating blood, volunteering, traveling, and you get the drift. Now, I am pregnant and WAY above my normal size right now s0 I am going to have to delay this journey for right now but when I achieve my normal size again I will give myself a year to see what I can come up with. I will keep you all updated with my progress here of course.

Problem #2 Comfy, cute, girly pajama pants have evaded me my entire life.

My excuse: I am too tall for all of the cutesy women's pajama pants and the men's pants have crotches that come to my knees. What does a tall girl have to do for some damn cute pajama pants!? I will tell you what...

Solution: I will make them. I know how to sew now and while I have not mastered pants yet I am pretty sure I can swing some flannel drawstring pajama pants. And the big kicker is that I can make them as LONG as I want. Once again I am huge right now so I will have to postpone this for a few months but I can't wait to begin!

If I am going to be hanging around the house playing stay-at-home-mom with a toddler and a newborn for awhile I can at least be "styling" house-style with my new t-shirts and my cute jammy pants.

What condition are your t-shirts in?

I'm a whore!

So last night I worked in a whore house...in my dream. This was one of those dreams that felt like it lasted all night too so a lot happened. The greatest part about working at the whore house last night was that I didn't have to "whore" at all because I was still pregnant by hubby's baby in my dream. Don't ask me who the idiot was who hired a married pregnant woman, but I digress.
This was...the whore house of my dreams, literally. Even though I was pregnant, I was beautiful pregnant. (HA!) I felt so pretty that I totally felt confident walking around naked with the other girls in our living quarters. We had regular grooming provided for us including waxing, manis, pedis, etc. One of my friends worked there with me and the rest of the girls and guys were not only highly educated but were very friendly and provided great lengthy stimulating conversation.
We were expected to work out most days and were provided with an AMAZING gym. I was giddy at the the thought even though I was prego and couldn't do much.
Well, it is slipping away, so I will be quick here...naked group therapy was not only hilarious but very refreshing. I stealthily decided that I would work there until they deemed me able to "whore" again and then I would quit. Oops :)
After I woke I told hubby about my dream and he told me that he had dreamed that I was cheating on him right next to him in the bed. What a coincidence! I assured him all was well and that even though I WAS working in a whore house I was being as pure as fresh snow.

What did you dream about last night?

Comfortably numb...

ya

I feel sick...

Wow. Just wow. I see one status message on facebook from someone in my past pertaining to a car tragedy I was involved in with three other people and my emotional juices started flowing. Hard. I can't even type fast enough to get down all that I am feeling because they are running around in there too fast. I am sure the hormonal imbalances of being pregnant don't help. I don't know if I am comforted or distressed that there are at least a small handful of people, three of us for sure, that will carry this one group of horrible memories, each through our own eyes, for the rest of our lives. I'm feeling nauseated so I will leave you with this.

Wear your goddamn seat belt and don't fuck around with automobiles. One bad decision can change your life and many others.