Hard to talk to you right now

I have no desire to speak to you tonight though I've thought of you for days and what I might share. In the end, I'll put little to nothing here. Only this...

This song has been on repeat all day and in my ear at every possible moment. LOUD! 

A great one for car concerts of which I'm a huge fan and put on daily!!! ;) Which brings me to my next point...

For the 976th time, I was frustrated today that I cannot get the music in my car to be as loud as I need it to be! I've blown speakers, I've worn earbuds and noise cancelling headphones while driving, which I have to live with outside of the car, but car times are important times and what I have is not enough. I literally need to be able to feel the music vibrating the inside of my body. My very first memory of that sensation was as a little girl in the back of my Dad's car. I want to be able to scream lyrics if I want and not hear myself and I need it to drown out my thoughts so I can have peace. Every time I get a new car I tell myself that this time I will put better speakers in that can handle what I need but I always put the money towards other things and then its too close to getting another car. Its a key way that I cope with things, I got frustrated about it again today, I'm not going to do anything about it because the money truly is better spent elsewhere, and I'm aware that I'll be deaf when I'm old. But hey, at least I didn't get addicted to drugs. Right?! ;)

I'll force myself to come back to you soon.