Budding photographer...

I know, I know, it's been a long time.  Buuuut, I have a baby, toddler, and husband and they need my attention more than you do so we (that's you and me) have just had to deal.  Moving on...

I'm back in school this semester!!  Woohoo!!  Last year of undergrad!!  Moving on again...

One of the classes I am taking this semester is Black and White Photography.  This is basically the beginner photography class offered at my University.  Let me just say that I have experienced quite a range of emotions due to my work in this class; excitement, wonder, pride, happiness, confusion, enlightenment, envy, disgust, self-loathing, sadness, etc.. 

We are wrapping up our first major project this week in which we have shot, developed negatives, made contact sheets, and our first prints in the darkroom.  Here I will jot down some things I have learned and new questions and goals that I have for the next project.

1. Dust really is the devil.  It is amazing to me how one speck of dust can look like an inch long white scratch on an 8X10 print.  I have seen a couple of dust specks on my lens as well.  Sooooo, I have invested in a lens filter and will be learning to clean my lens from my professor and attaching the lens filter.  Thus, all I have to do is clean the lens filter.  Take that dust!  Now to just keep dust off of my film.  Don't have any answers for that one yet.

2. All of my prints were very grainy compared with a lot of my classmates.  I have ruled out the film speed issue since we are all using the same film. I have concluded that it must either be my focusing technique or I am shaky as hell.  I'm guessing it is a little bit of both.  I have now invested in a small tabletop tripod and will be using the self-timer on my camera for still shots.  I will report back at a later date if this improves my pictures.

3.  I know almost nothing about composition.  I had heard of the rule of thirds and that is all.  I have done a little extra googling and read a couple of articles online so I have a couple of new things I will try for the next project. 

4. Take time.  What I am focusing on and everything else that I can see through that viewfinder have equal importance.  I tend to only really "see" what I am focusing on but when I print out the picture I see all the other ugly shit, or lack of, around it.  Be conscious of EVERYTHING going in to each and every photo and make sure it is what you want to show before you press that shutter.

5. Lighting gives you options.  I shot our first project in my kitchen and cursed myself the whole time I was shooting for not picking something outside.  There was not enough light so I had to bring in a lamp and point it at everything I was taking a picture of.  It was a pain in the ass and now I have realized that most of my prints look washed out because of the blinding light pointed at the subject.  Plus, because I still barely had enough light I as only able to use about two aperture openings and a lower shutter speed.  I didn't really get to try out many different shutter/aperture options.  I will try to shoot out of doors next time.

6.  The dark room is sexy!  However, and this is a big however, it takes FOREVER.  I'm hoping that its only because I am new that it takes me over an hour to make a test print and then eventually (through many trial and errors with filters, exposure time, and aperture) get my final print.  

7.  Black and white pictures will look different than color pictures.  This may seem like an obvious statement but I have realized that I rely on color in my pictures to judge what I think will look good but that just doesn't come through in the black and white pics.  I may really love the colors in a setting but what I REALLY should be looking for is what would give me a broad range of blacks, whites and grays. 


8. I am still fuzzy on depth of field.  I think I am on the edge of grasping how to get what I want with depth of field but I am not there yet.  I think the next chapter covers it though.

9. I am still confused on focusing.  When I am focusing, do I only worry about lining up the two half circles or do I try to focus the textured ring too?  What if what I want to focus on is not in the middle of my frame.  I know dslr's have focus lock?  Where you can choose and lock on to what you want to focus on in the frame.  How would I do this on a manual SLR?

I think that just about covers it for now.  Lots of things to think about and remember for the next project.  Please if you know the answers to any of these questions or can add any helpful comments drop me a line.  It would be much appreciated.

See ya!

unedited morning journaling

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So today I took Derek to his 4 month old well-baby check up appointment.  Can't believe he is 4 months now and I'm ecstatic about it.  Just think, within the next couple of months he will be crawling and eating food!  Oh ya, and we are officially 1/3 of the way through the first year.  I'm not a baby person so I don't enjoy the first year much.  I am more of a toddler gal. Taison is doing a lot better with the whole Derek situation now.  I think we are out of the worst now and he seems to really dig him more every day.  Rice won us a free laptop by accident and it came yesterday!  It is what I am using to write this on right now.  We're going to share this one and I can use it at school if I need to.  Exciting!!  I am slowly getting back to my self again.  I think I will get there a lot faster this time around.  With Taison I didn't even start doing any "Abby" activities until Taison was a little over a year old.  The one thing that is not going so well is the weight loss as I have been 185 for a month now.  BUT, I can't really blame anyone but myself because I haven't been eating consistently well yet.  I also have not been drinking enough water.  Soooo, what can I do to alleviate this little issue?  I need a new water bottle...and maybe a chart of some sort on the fridge to keep me motivated for awhile.  As far as eating, well, I need a meal plan basically.  Before I do that though I need to figure out how many calories I need right now.  Always fun to guess at this number when your breastfeeding.  I've also been doing a little work on my time management.  I have been keeping tabs on my activities and as it turns out I DO in fact have time for everything I want to do.  I just don't have seemingly endless blocks of open free time like I did before Taison and Derek came into the picture.  What I'm trying to say is that I can do it all, but just in small increments during each day.  The one thing I haven't picked back up yet is sewing.  I could easily do one step a day on a garment and finish it in a week or two, I'm just trying to decided if the payoff is good enough giving that I am losing weight and won't be able to wear it for long. 

Okay what do I want to get done soon...
-pluck eyebrows
-finish and put up trash bag Halloween decorations
-do a run/walk
-do a 10 min. stretch
-do some light strength training
-cook dinner
-do a couple of 20 min cleaning blocks
-find and purchase Derek a Gator's shirt
-shave
-FINISH MY RECERT for NASM!!!
-Call UNF and make sure I am ready to go for spring registration

These are those moments when I look at my list and realize that if I didn't have small children I could easily get all of this accomplished in one day.  Buuuuuuut, I don't.  My reality is that my little one just got shots today so he will probably have a low grade fever today, tonight, and maybe some of tomorrow and my little toddler wants to do what he wants when he wants which pretty much is playing outside ALL day.

I think that concludes my random thoughts of the morning so far.  Peace out and see you next time.

the life of one stay-at-home-mom...

My time management needs some work.  There, ahhhhh, that first step is always the hardest right? 

So...what am I going to do about this little issue?  I have vowed to write down all of my activities for a week so I can see where I can be more efficient and plan accordingly.  Yesterday was my first day and as I looked back on my day I giggled.  Instead of doing anything in large blocks of time which is what I thought I was doing, my day was a LONG list of 15 minutes activities for the most part.  I thought it would be fun to write everything I did here and preserve a day in my life as a stay-at-home-mom with a toddler and infant.  So here it goes...

Woke up by kids at 9am

hang out with kids...

make everyone breakfast, eat, put away clean dishes, change diapers...

hang out with kids...

kid's baths...

rock baby to sleep...

hold/nurse sleeping baby while watching latest episode of Vampire Diaries and start a new movie...

make Derek's 4 month old well-baby checkup appointment...

hang out with Rice and kids...

pay bills...

put Derek to sleep...

stretching...

work on/plan finances...

facebook...

hold both kids...

hang out with Rice and kids...

laundry...

make everyone lunch, eat...

feed Derek...

hang out with kids...

groom myself (ie. shower, brush teeth, etc.)...

more laundry...

hang out with only Taison...

planning/reviewing goals...

outdoor cardio with both kids in tow...

more laundry and cleaning...

Make everyone dinner, eat...

more planning/appointment making...

email...

try to learn about selling on EBay/hang out with Taison...

put Taison to sleep...

EBay learning again/work on my first listing...

watch another part of movie...

1:30am  BEDTIME!!

While this is not every single thing I did yesterday (extreme multi-tasking is a mom must) it sums up the major stuff pretty well.  What can I look forward to tomorrow?  Pretty much the same thing, with different to-do's/errands.  And so on and so forth.


I have a little over three more years of being a stay-at-home-mom/student left and while the kids and I absolutely love it, sometimes it leaves me feeling like this...

NIN-Everyday Is Exactly The Same

: )  What are your days like?

100 posts strong!

I've had this blog for three years now and I just hit my first 100 posts milestone.  Thank you blog for always being there for me.  Thank you blog community for being who you are but more importantly who you're not.

A journal prompt...

from Dave Ellis's Becoming a Master Student.

What I want from my education is...

Options, self discovery, and self-actualization.  An education is something that no one can take away from me.  It opens my mind and therefore the world up to me and the knowledge I gain gives me power.  It opens up career opportunities that I would not be privy to without it.

When I complete my education I want to be able to...

Make a comfortable living for myself and my family and be happy doing it. 


I also want...
My children to see me finish something and set a good example for them of commitment, integrity, determination and accomplishment.  I want to equal my husband in education.  I want to be as self-reliant and independent as I choose.  I want to make sure that should I decide to further my education, I will be in a  position to do so.

workout blahness...

So I used my workout today to attempt to exercise a few demons. 32 minutes of trying to ride as fast as I can hoping that I can leave some of this shit behind me. This is often what ends up happening during my workouts where I am alone and have access to my music. Anyway, it never works but it does help to feed my anger which in turn feels good to me (think strong, empowerment, control) and helps me kick my workouts up a notch which is usually a good thing. Well, I am still supposed to be taking it easy with my workouts and I did not today which in turn left me with getting off of my bike with a limp (went away after a few minutes though).

My playlist for today was...on repeat
Eminem-Beautiful

Eminem-I Think My Dad's Gone Crazy

Incubus-Pistola

My last thought for this post is that this was the first time I have worked out "by myself" since the baby was born 7 weeks ago and I needed that shit! Good shit! :)

SUPER grammerless rambling straight from brain to keyboard (no filter) about my mother

Okay these are literally thoughts with no filter so excuse misused/mispelled words and gross grammar.

So today I had an epiphany. I hate my mother and don't want to be like her at all but people tell me a lot that I am just like my mother, both in mannerisms and character. Generally, I try to do the opposite of what she would like it is always in the back of my mind...what would she do, okay I will do the opposite.This brings me to what I was pondering this evening. Right now I am a stay at home mom(so was she) and I have a hard time imagining myself in any 9to 5 career. I just can't figure out what the hell to do with my life without wanting to off myself on the interstate on the way to work every day. I have thought librarian, therapist, writer? What? I have learned about myself that I need a lot of alone time for intro/retrospection. I kind of stay inside my own head most of the time just thinking about things. Well, I feel like because I feel this way (about not doing the career thing) that I am being like her and shunning the outside world. Which makes me crazy because normally I would do the opposite but I know that would make me unhappy. So I feel like I am one step closer to becoming my mother which is one of the worst things in my mind that I could become or be like. It is suffocating being her daughter. Obviously I can't get away from her DNA and whether I like it or not I have it in my genetic makeup. So,I will be like her in ways whether I like it or not. A thought that I would have rather never been born than to recreate her in any way. Anyway, this all led me to think that lots of people don't do 9 to 5 jobs and probably feel the same way that I do and that doesn't mean they are becoming my mother so why should I feel that way. Ugh, I had all this clear and in order in my head not 30 minutes ago and I was begging myself not to lose it and now it is gone. I can't remember how it all went together. Basically, I can do whatever I want and it doesn't matter because this is just something I will deal with for the rest of my life. I can see myself worrying about if I being like her as an old lady. The bigger picture being that every single person on this planet is dealing with little idiosyncrasies such as this in their lives and that is just one of the things that comes with my little person package.Well, anyway here is something else I have just realized. I hate my mother not only for the way she was but for the things that she indirectly took from me during my time with her. Things that I can never get back. I am still so bitter and I know it is not good for me, or rather, have been told that hundreds of times, but as of right now I don't know if that will ever go away. I often wonder what I will feel when she dies. Will I have regret? Will I feel free of her? Will I be happy? Will I be sad? I hate that I am bitter and resentful due to other's actions. I hate that I let them affect me this way. Well, there are too many new things popping up in this noggin of mine and I can only type one sentence at a time. I may be back later, maybe not.