Thursday, May 2, 2019

The End

This blog has come to an end. At least for now. Never say never, right? I'll be in to look back as usual but won't be posting here any longer. It's been real!!!

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Quick catch up!

And we're off!

I finished The Little Prince. WTH? He's so cute. The book is cute. The story is cute. I know I'm not comprehending the whole thing so I'm going to do some looking around online for some discussion about it. In the meantime, I see something about it on Netflix?????? I will watch this if its coming or has come already.

I read something I'll consider professional development. It was called The 80/20 Manager by Richard Koch. It was helpful, thought provoking, and caused me think about my job from a different perspective.
Another nonfiction book was devoured as well called Beasts in my Belfry by Gerald Purrell. I...laughed...so...hard!!!!!!!! Laughing is one of life's great pleasures. :) I'll be looking to see if this guy has other books because I liked his sense of humor.
During grad school I fell in love with graphic novels and read so many that I had a pretty good handle on the classics and popular selections of the time. I've fallen behind a bit there so I picked up a few the other day and started with Spill Zone by Scott Westerfeld. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet but am in book 2. I can tell its just getting started but that's infuriating since book 3 hasn't even been released? of how many? when? Bah! For now...its...mmm...its just okay. Keeping my eye on this one.

Now I've started a new book called Descent by Tim Johnston. I think it will be really good but the lady who's doing the audio book....ah...her voice makes me have REALLY violent fantasies of hurting her. I may have to try to find another version because I'm not sure I can handle her voice for that many hours if I'm already feeling this way. The wrong narrator in an audiobook can ruin the entire thing and let's just be honest. Some voices grate on the nerves of some people. I'm sure its different for everyone.

Other than reaaaaaaading, here's a quick list of things...

  • learned how to install shelves
  • have worked a whole month already at the full time job and haven't drowned yet
  • have had a nasty little cold all week so have been forced to set projects aside
  • doing lots of research on cruises
  • peppers are growing

  • tomatoes are growing
  • corn is 6 feet tall now and may be getting ready to have "corn sex" ;)
  • blueberries, grapes, and a pineapple are growing

I have nothing more to say except...

Quotes on quotes on quotes on quotes! :) I've check the validity of none. Some are well known and some are not. I won't add names to any for now but all have played some part for me lately, are favorites that I've lived by for years, or were oldies that came back around for a good reminder. Do with them what you wish.

"If you don't like where you are, move, you are not a tree."

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."

"Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive."

"Love one another as I have loved you."

"At any given moment we have two choices: to step forward into growth or step back into what is comfortable."

"You're not rich until you have something that money can't buy."

"If you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise."

"I will never regret giving pieces of my heart to someone who ended up hurting me. Because in those moments of bliss my feelings were pure. And you can never tarnish pure intent."

"You weren't placed on this earth to just pay bills and die."

"Courage doesn't mean you don't get afraid. Courage means you don't let fear stop you."

"It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation."

"We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."

Byyyyyye!!!

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Planning plans

My oldest's bed broke (I think I spoke about that awhile back) and has been sleeping with his mattress on the floor. He had fun at first but now has been asking his dear old mom (that's me! lol) to please get him a new bed. I may be crazy to try to tackle this right now but that usually doesn't stop me when I set my mind on something. I'm going to build a damn bed...with a headboard. Rawr! And more, if a twin size bed turns out ok, I'm going to build a new king sized one for the hubs and I, too. This morning I went through the beginner level Ana White plans with him and this is the one he chose. The link to the plan is in the caption.
http://www.ana-white.com/2012/03/plans/kentwood-bed
I already have the slats and found some good brackets online to attach the headboard/footboard so its just a matter of building a couple things, stain, and finish. Soooooo, this will be coming as soon as I muster up my courage. lol

The last few days/weeks I've had that little nagging thing I have sometimes where I want to travel somewhere and see something new. Finally, FINALLY, the time is coming where that may actually become a possibility. It would be insanely less expensive to go by myself but the kids aren't quite old enough for me, or them, to feel comfortable having mom gone for that long. Therefore, the entire family will need to go ($$$$$) and in the end, the kids would hopefully gain some perspective as well. I held a family meeting this morning that went something like this.

Me: Hey, I want to take a trip outside the country and I think it would be good for you guys (kiddos) as well. We've never done this before so we need an easy, starter trip to get our feet wet. (Everyone was down and excited so I continued) To get an idea, if each of you could go anywhere for a trip, where would you pick?
Oldest: The Bahamas! I want to go on a cruise to the Bahamas!!
Youngest: Hmm, Brazil...or Hawaii. Europe? I like Brazil.
Hubs: Oooooh Brazil. I like that! I want to go back to Japan and take you guys (kiddos) so we can all climb Mt. Fuji!

A discussion ensued where we weighed the pros and cons of each as far as an easy, first trip and it was settled upon, at least tentatively, to try a cruise first. After that we could try more intermediate-level spots if desired but the general consensus was that we all had places we wanted to see. The meeting was adjourned and I will now add this to the list of my long-ish, short-ish term goals. Its on my radar baby!!!!

I finished Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and that's it for that. It was GREAT!
via GIPHY

Leaving you today with two songs that I've been having major car concerts with the last couple days. When its warm, music loud, windows down, and singing my heart out, I can feel happy at least for then.





BYYYYEEEEEEE!

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Things are beginning to settle

Okay! It feels like I'm settling in at the new job a bit now and I can finally relax some and gather my thoughts. Let's see...what's happened...

Obviously, the bigger, better job has been started. It's AMAZEBALLS and I can't really talk about it here. More on that a little later. Suffice to say that tonight I was walking around the building near closing time I wanted to squeeze my boss and tell her how happy I was to be there, doing all the things! I truly love my job.

Speaking of the job, I finally have a desk again which is mega exciting for me for some reason. Today I took in my little lamp and two little pics of my kids. I've been adding little by little, day by day and its starting to feel more like mine. Awww. Something I seem to be in need of every day is a coaster. I realized pretty quickly from searching for one online that I can easily make my own with a piece of square tile, an image, and some Mod Podge which I have in the garage. Crafting time is definitely going to go down for a customized coaster to go on my desk! Yes!! :) Just have to choose an image.

On to reading!

I finished Richard Matheson's, Hell House, which to my understanding was supposed to be a classic as far as haunted house stories go. Mmm, I dug it enough. Some of the characters annoyed the piss out of me and for as much build up as there was about the house in the beginning, more could have went down. More gore! More killing! More haunting! Lol I give it 3.5 stars.

I also finished the 9th volume in Saga by Brian K. Vaughn. It took me a bit to get back into what was happening in the story and then it was kind of slow but then it really took off at the end, threw out something I wasn't expecting, and left me with a cliffhanger!! Ewwwww! I love it. I'm guessing this volume was kind of a building one and that the 10th one is going to flyyy.

Currently, I'm listening to the original Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. The best way I can describe this is that its like a treat every time I'm in the car. The word play literally makes me smile at times and I'm hearing parts of the story I never got from watching the Disney version. I think if I'd actually read this as a kid or teen it would have been a favorite. It's short, too! Love it, love it.

More, you say? Yes! Lol I finally snatched up a copy of The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. This book is short and has been translated into sooooo many languages so I had to see what was up. So far its insane and I love it. Here's the Wikipedia page for it if you're curious.

The garden is doing awesome! Here's a couple updated pics of that in case it all goes down the drain soon or something. Lol


Oh! The gate in the back yard rotted and was falling off so I gathered myself up (which was not easy, see last post) and built a new one. It seems to have turned out pretty well. Who knew? Gates are pretty easy to build! What's harder than building a gate you ask? Why, attaching the handle/locking mechanism onto it. That's what! So hard...smh

Last but not least, some new baby plants have been added to the house. Still sticking to the "easy" plants for now since I'm unsure about my abilities but they're happy so far and even growing some! Yay! :) There are two types of english ivy, a spider plant, a hoya and two kind of pothos.

No quotes or anything extra to end tonight. I've been mulling over moving this blog somewhere else though. I'd like to be a little freer with what I can say and would like to talk about my job sometimes as well which I wouldn't want to lead back to me in anyway. Its been a thought for a while now so I'm putting it here. Still not sure though and not in any big hurry.

And that's a wrap shitheads! Night!


Friday, March 29, 2019

A pep talk for my perfectionist side

Will someone please whip me in my ass and tell me to get off the couch and get going this morning? Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghh!!!!!!! Lol I'm sitting here drowning in indecisiveness, a little grief, and a lot of being unsure. UGH!!

Music will need to be loud today. Deep breath in...and...ok...going! Just do the things, right?



Time waits for no one!!!!!!!!!

Monday, March 25, 2019

Prep, movies, shows, goals, and a caterpillar

Yesterday was a unexpectedly crazy day of cooking. More like preparing. It was time to trim back the herbs in the garden so I had a bunch of basil, curly and flat-leaf parsley, and cilantro. To the store I went to gather some things and I ended up creating salsa verde, tomato pesto, and a whole new ton of basil pesto. I'd never made salsa verde or tomato pesto before but it turned out great and by the end I used up everything except for a small bit of parsley and cilantro. Win, win and moving on!!

One of my goals this year was to read at least two professional development books in my field. Gotta stay on top of my game you know! Anyway, quite a few of my textbooks from grad school have now been superseded by newer editions which means I have some updating to do. I've made a list of all the ones I'm interested in at the moment and lucky me, I found one at my public library. It may take a few renew's to get through it but you can't beat getting it for free!

So...movies...yeah, I'm skipping my March theater movie experience. It's ridiculous that I can't get excited about a single movie playing right now but that's the case. I refused to even look at the Bollywood's because I'm determined to stretch my gift cards out by seeing a couple American movies first. Therefore, my coworkers and I had a discussion about movies and things and I was given a bunch of recommendations of wonderfully weird stuff to check out from the comfort of my couch this month instead. Here are some that I've consumed and dug!

The Hateful Eight


Nine


Charlie the Unicorn


Llamas with Hats


Great coworkers they are! :) Here's to hoping that something, or two somethings, will come to theaters in April that'll excite me.

I'll leave you with something random from the week. My oldest and I were grocery shopping the other day and noticed we had a caterpillar on the front of our cart. It absolutely changed our entire shopping experience! LOL He pushed the cart with more care so as not to bump it, I placed things gently into the cart after we noticed it would jump if rattled. We spent a lot of time looking at it and discussing it and it made the whole boring trip go by in a flash. Here's a pic of our passenger.

As soon as we got outside it came to life and was crawling around so we got a stick and left it on a nearby tree. Cute little guy! 


Oh what the heck. Here's a quote, too!

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
-Dolly Parton

Byeeeeeeeee!!!

Sunday, March 17, 2019

A sleepy St. Patty's Day Sunday

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm sleepy this morning so let's do a lighting round just to catch up.

  • Tried some more new types of alcohol recently of which Bailey's Irish Cream was a favorite.
  • Paid off another student loan which means I'm down to one. 
  • Starting a new full-time job in April and I'm nervous about time management. Trying to come up with some plans for how to "do it all" without failing. Ha!
  • Garden is completely planted and things are still going good. Its already time to make pesto again. Will fertilize today or this week.Here's a quick pic!
  • Financial goals took a hard hit this week from learning about a very large, unexpected cost. One of my money goals will have to fall by the wayside this year to make up for it. Trying to decide which that will be. 
  • Rode on the fastest go-karts in town yesterday. They were so fast that after three races I was dealing with motion sickness for the next two hours. They were so fast that you could drift around corners! They were so fast that when another racer clipped my back corner at top speed, I "spun out" in the middle of the track creating a eight car "pile up". The smile on my face was HUGE!  
  • I haven't been cooking or reading as much though I have started a couple new books since we last spoke. The kids have been home for spring break so there's literally no peace and quiet save for the middle of the night. This may explain why I've been up at 2,3, and 4am each night just basking in the silence and thinking. Its killing my motivation during the daylight hours.

Three things I'm grateful for today:

  1. My dad. I have the cutest dad in the world and I learn about and appreciate him more each year. He's semi-retired now and each time I call he's picked up a new hobby or expanded on an old one. After watching him work for the same company for decades, day in and day out, its so fun to call and see what he's up to now. The latest? He bought an old clunker mail service truck and will be the local mailman on Saturday's. How cute is that?!
  2. My new job. So grateful for the opportunity to make enough money doing what I love to be able to follow my dreams of which I have many!
  3. The internet, for providing the constant flow of information I need to satisfy my unending curiosities, and I do mean they are deep and unending! :)

I'm off to deep condition my hair and put a mask on my face.

Monday, March 11, 2019

Dark places

It's after 3am and I won't sleep yet. Gotta get this out I guess. I can hear everything in the silence; my husband's breathing as he sleeps in the next room without me, the dog panting next to me, the hum of all the electronics, my typing.

I went to a former coworkers house today who is grieving and it has me a little stirred up. She clearly needed to take our conversation to dark places so I went to dark places. It was a beautiful day today and I'd just come from the beach with my kids and then there I was, discussing human suffering, death, grief, the meaning of life, Christianity, mental illness, support groups, etc. It was jarring, though not exactly unexpected.

Anyway, when I left I felt...dirty? Or maybe like there's a dark blanket in that house, one that I'm all too familiar with, and I couldn't wait to get it off me again. I definitely shut down completely over there to be able to have those conversations and I ended up telling her that in the grand scheme of things, I didn't trust her at all. That because I'm not connected to her and never formed that kind of attachment with her, that it was never something that was needed or came up for me. I could see in her face when I said it that it hurt her and its something I wouldn't have said out loud if I wasn't in that head space but without emotions I can be very, very blunt and brutally honest. Mean, even. I feel very sorry that bit happened. As I left, she told me she loved me, which makes my skin crawl with guilt, and wants me to come back more often to hang out more. Sigh. I came home and immediately fell asleep for awhile but even after waking up, it just felt like I lost all my momentum for the day. I wondered around, not really doing anything but not doing nothing either. Now, I'm here...

There were warm things in my day. The warmest things I have actually. Things that make life worth living and things I'm thankful for. I'm going to think of those things and try to get some sleep...


Thursday, March 7, 2019

Thoughts from a Thursday

Quick update!

Baby corn is growing despite it almost freezing two nights this week.
Baby corn a few days ago
The "Internets" say its time to thin out the weaklings, add some extra nitrogen fertilizer, and then they'll be on their way! When I am SURE that there won't be any more cold nights, I'm going to plant the bean and cucumber seeds as well as the tomatoes and eggplants! Garden still going good!

I finished How to be a Woman. So good! When I was coming to the end I didn't want it to stop. She was like that aunt or older cousin that doesn't have to be your "parent" figure and just told you things straight. I'm lucky I had one of those cousins growing up. Anyway, there are still things about feminism and being a woman that I haven't quite figured out how I feel about yet. What this book did for me was to expose me to some new ways of thinking I hadn't necessarily heard before and in the most hilarious ways. Loved it! Now I'm ready for something COMPLETELY different and on the hunt!

Today I got a bigger and better job. It will be the first full-time job I've had since 2007 when I left the working world to stay home with my kids for their first few years. I've been after this job and working my way up to this since 2014 and I now have only one more step on the ladder before I reach the height of my career aspirations. After that, I'll make new career goals that will probably have to do with contributing to my field. However, one step at a time and I plan to settle in for a good year or so of learning. I'm scared to death. Lol More on that in a later post I presume. Oh! This also happened to be one of the HUGE goals I had for 2019 so I was able to mark that shit off the list today and it felt good. Yeah!!

Tomorrow is International Women's Day so in honor of our day, here is a little segment I saw today on YouTube from the World Surf League.

Being a woman isn't easy. Being a man isn't easy. Being a human being isn't easy. There are moments when I hate being a woman because of all the things that go with it but most days I'm really proud to be in my "group"! I get inspired by hearing women's stories and experiences like these and have been since I was a little girl so I'm grateful these stories and experiences are out there.


Quote time! I've been mulling this one over this week...

“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle. ”
-Reverend Phillips Brooks

I'm out!!


Friday, March 1, 2019

Pesto and Bats!

Basil happened!!
First basil harvest of the year!
 So pesto happened!!
A ton of pesto!
Yay and yum! I love how bright green it is when its fresh and the smell was heaven. All basil and garlicky. Mmmm. I got a lot more basil than I anticipated from just the tiny bit it had grown so far and its just going to keep growing. Basically, its going to be pesto summer 2019 in here.

  • Pesto on baked potatoes
  • Pesto on pasta
  • Pesto on eggs
  • Pesto on rice
  • Pesto on steak
  • Pesto instead of pizza sauce
  • Pesto on baguettes
  • Pesto on steak
  • Pesto in soups
  • Pesto everywhere!!! 
Fortunately, everyone in the house loves the stuff. My littlest couldn't stop sneaking little tastes while I was making it. I'll be keeping the bigger container out and will freeze the bags. Anything that can come out of the garden, be frozen, and still be good later is wonderful, isn't it?! Plus, pesto is expensive at the store. I'm grateful not to have to buy it for awhile.

Guess what else? I believe the corn started sprouting today! I'll catch a pic in the next day or two once I see how its going to do. This is pretty much exactly what I looked like when I went out to the garden this morning to check and saw it...
via GIPHY

Guess what else, else? lol We have bats at my job that come out each night (obviously as that's what bats do lol smh) and now that its getting warmer, if it's not busy we like to congregate outside to see them off. For some reason this never gets old and the sounds they make are extremely cute. This week I caught a bit on video because I wanted to put it here so I could always remember a happy thing from this job.


That's it for tonight shit-stains! I'll leave you with these two quotes that resonated with me this week.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
-J.R.R. Tolkien

"Trauma creates change you don't choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose."
-Michelle Rosenthal

Goodbye!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Old therapy exercises...

Taken from old, handwritten therapy exercises from 2013:

Old journal entry...

I found a handwritten journal entry from January 2014 today and it was weird looking back. I'll put it here as it was written. Anything changed will be in [].

Another lazy Sunday

Well, its Sunday. Each one has a similar flavor; panic over what still needs to be done in order to be ready for the week ahead, trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life, and rebelliousness and refusal to do anything other than whatever the hell I want. I usually end up doing a smattering of all three and feel alright about it. Meh.

The garden is coming along and things seem to be growing this time...so far. I'm not claiming victory yet.
Herbs/Flowers
The corn was planted this morning after soaking overnight so fingers crossed there that it won't be too cold for it. Technically, it wasn't supposed to go in before March but I wanted it to get a head start. Maybe I made a rookie mistake or maybe it will turn out ok. Like I said, fingers crossed.

Each morning I go out to look at the plants, pull a weed or two, see what's changed...overnight. lol Hey, it's relaxing, don't judge me! The dooder likes to come, too, and see what I'm up to. If I dig somewhere, he digs somewhere else. If I lay somewhere, he lays too. If I sit, he's right beside me. Today he observed me digging and planting the corn so he dug up a fresh patch of dirt in a sunny spot to relax and make sure all was going well.
Dooder approved
The basil is growing for sure and I think we'll be able to have homegrown pesto on pasta for dinner one night this week. Oh, and look who I found lurking there this morning. A ladybug! These guys are beneficial for the garden, eat pests, and more importantly have babies on the plants that turn into voracious, pest-eating predator larvae. RAWR!! Welcome to the basil neighborhood little guy! Invite your friends!
Create army please!
The tomato cages arrived the other day as well as the rest of the seeds. The rest of everything will go in the ground when March arrives. Anyway, so far, so good and that's enough of that for now!

I've given up on a few books I was trying to read in print. Sigh. The Russian story had gone absolutely NOWHERE a third of the way through  so that had to go. I tried for the fourth time to read a Dean Koontz novel and almost halfway through it I just couldn't hang any longer. Everybody seems to dig Dean Koontz but apparently he's not for me. I'm dabbling in a social media book for continuing education at work, picked up a project management for dummies book so I can get the scoop there, and may tackle the next Saga which is at my house right now. I miss Lying cat. Plus, that'll be short and I think I need a confidence booster.

For anyone on Netflix and looking for something to watch, I'm completely stuck up the butt of this documentary called Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat. Here's the trailer.


Love her, love the food, love watching her cook, love that she takes inspiration from all over the world. Check it out!

Well, I was going to mow the front yard but ooooooh darn, its raining now. ;) Guess I'll just have to continue doing nothing!

Until next time...

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Nerdy spring garden plan!

The nerd in me was strong today. So strong that even my coworkers, who happen to be huge nerds themselves, were teasing me. That has to be a new personal low...or high! :) What was I doing to cause such teasing????

Planning the garden! That doesn't sound very nerdy lol but let me set the scene. I had cleared an entire space at my desk, had my notebook out with various pens and pencils, an eraser and ruler, and about 25 tabs open on my computer. Also being consulted was my phone and various printed publications from the Duval county extension agency. What can I say? Things were serious. As you'll see below, there are four 8'x4' raised beds and I like using square-foot gardening as a guide. Oh, and yes, I'm aware there are online programs that do this same thing for me but I don't like those as much.

I present to you (aka myself lol), for memory's sake, the 2019 spring garden layout! I've learned things each time I've had a garden in this house so unlike last fall (if things will actually sprout and grow this time!), I think it will do okay!

For example, last time I did corn this happened...

The corn grew and grew and was so exciting! The green beans were growing, too! Things were growing great! OMG! Aaaaand then the beans kind of took over. Using the corn for the beans to climb worked out great. However, I think the corn needed to have a head start on growing before the beans started because it never got to reach its full height before the beans kind of strangled it. Literally! There were areas where the bean vines wrapped so tightly around the corn that it was digging in and causing deformities. Also, the package had recommended four corn plants per square foot and that proved to be too many which I also think stunted the growth. In the same vein, I think there were too many bean plants for the amount of corn. I did get some baby corn cobs that grew and that was fun but they never fully formed and so while it looked cool and provided a functional role for the beans that year, I never got to eat any corn. Booooo. Ate so many green beans though!!! Yum!

This time around I did some research and learned that one corn plant per square foot is better for better and happier corn AND fewer bean plants won't cause as much stress. On top of that, I'm going to plant the corn 2-3 weeks before the beans this time and fertilize more than just at the planting.
Corn & Green Beans
Will apply the same logic to the corn and cucumbers bed. I haven't had success with cucumbers yet even though I've tried twice before. I think from what I read today that I'll need to be more cognizant about adding natural fertilizers throughout the season and making sure this bed has adequate water for it to actually produce edible cucumbers. Seems like cucumbers might be a little more fussy than the other stuff. Be strong cucumbers! I want to eat you! I've never grown the cucumbers with the corn so I'm not sure if they'll climb or not so we'll see. I also think since corn needs to be in a bigger grouping to pollinate right that having two beds of it next to each other instead of just one will help it along, too. Fingers crossed!
Corn & Cucumbers
Basil, basil, basil. Basil always goes crazy and does well. Needless to say, every summer with a garden here has been full of homemade pesto. Love it! Will be planting a lot more this year though! Tomatoes have been tricky so far so I'm determined to improve on these as well this time around. It's the cages. Tomato cages found in stores suck. They just suck. Too small, too flimsy, pointless. My mom had amazing tomato cages when I was a girl but I found out later they were constructed with farm fencing. Something I'll probably do in the future when I have more space, IF I ever have more space... Anyway, aside from the plants and seeds, this will probably cost me the most money out of the whole garden project but if it will save the tomato plants from toppling over halfway through summer then I'm down to try. I usually get good tomatoes but never enough. Will also try to be better in this bed about natural fertilizers and more consistent watering.

Tomatoes & Basil
Eggplants have always gone great and should be no problem but no luck has been had with peppers thus far. I'm determined and again, I think with better and more consistent fertilizing and watering, something will happen!
Eggplants & Peppers
As always, I like companion planting so there are lots of beneficial flowers and herbs planned out in each bed as well. The seeds were ordered today and I think I found a 25% off coupon so may order the cages tonight. I have my list ready to go for all the plants to buy and which get planted in the first wave and the second. Please, please, please let this time be a success. I really miss the garden. :(

In other news, I was checking up on goals for the year and was able to cross another one off. Ready?!

I finally benched the big girl plates at the gym!! (135lbs) Love getting stronger :)

Also today, I learned from my coworkers how to use Reddit and Tumblr, brought home a book with some Excel practice stuff in it, learned there was such a thing as the Excel World Championship (SUPER NERDS!), and my interest was piqued with project management stuff. I want to learn more about it because it seems like something I might dig and could use to help keep my home projects more organized and moving along.

How about a song! Yes! I'll leave you with a favorite from my teenage days and helped to get me through a tough few sets of squats in the gym the other day! Sometimes you just have to get back in those dark places! Song starts 32 seconds in ;)



That's all for now. Now go away!!! :)

Friday, February 15, 2019

Little things from the day

I ran into a quote today...

"You can lie down for people to walk on you and they will still complain that you're not flat enough."

I think it was supposed to be sad and about adult, romantic relationships but then I realized it perfectly sums up exactly how most parents probably feel about the way their kids treat them most of the time. Seen in that light, it kind of made me giggle. Perspective is everything people. ;)

If you've been around this little space of mine, you know I enjoy cooking. I especially enjoy cooking things on a whim. However, I still have to use a recipe, for if I don't things go terribly, terribly wrong. I learned this about myself years ago, decades ago!

Occasionally, I get a little excited and go off course, which is what happened this week, and now I have the most hilariously revolting looking pie in my refrigerator. Here's what happened. I was in store #1...very hungry...saw graham cracker pie crusts in the baking aisle...compulsively and trance-like put one in my cart. This was wildly odd behavior, there were exactly zero things at home to fill this pie crust, and is exactly the reason you should never go to the store starving. A few days later I was in store #2...passed boxed pudding and a light bulb goes off in my head...can put pudding in the crust and that equals pie...puts ridiculous amount of both vanilla and chocolate pudding boxes into cart because no idea how much is needed.

The next night I read absolutely no instructions, because who needs those (I do!!!!), make both types of pudding and pour both into the pie crust. Very pleased with myself but a little worried about how loose it appears and that it's overflowing a little, I put it in the fridge and go to bed. Today, my kids excitedly tried to eat some "pie". Haha! This is the most horrible pie! The puddings mixed together unnaturally and look like cat vomit, you can't serve it as slices at all and instead must scoop your cat vomit pudding out of the pie pan with a spoon and with it you will have bits of graham cracker crust mixed in. Meanwhile, the pudding left in the pan seeps out and fills the holes you created in a loose, "liquidy" way. It looks absolutely disgusting and my youngest can't quit talking about how great it tastes and is the only pie he's ever liked. I think he just likes pudding and its back to recipes for me! :)


via GIPHY

There was a success in the kitchen recently as well though! Something new! Bonus! Forgive me, I will butcher this name but I followed a recipe for Ptichye Moloko(?) but I think that's the Russian name for it. It seems to also be called Bird's Milk so we'll go with that for now! Yeah!
Anyway, its a creamy, sweet, whipped dessert with chocolate on top and is yummy yum yum yum and so naughty!! The kids devoured it and raved which is always nice so I'll be making this again soon. Apparently, there's a cake version as well and I got to try the store bought candy(?) kind, too! Can you feel how unsure I am about what to call what I've eaten?! lol

I played in the garden today and two of the four beds are officially ready to plant. Woohoo! As an aside, while adding blood meal and bone meal to the soil, I discovered that my dog has a major thing for them. I couldn't keep him out of it! At one point I caught him dragging off and tearing open the bag of bone meal to get at it and when I wasn't looking he was trying to eat it out of the dirt! WTH? I let my little one plant a few marigolds in the two beds that were ready, to act as the goldfish of the garden. Why? They're small and expendable. If they die, then I still have work to do with the soil. If they live, then great! I need them there anyway! In my mind, I will finish the other two beds, plan the layout, order the seeds, and get the front and back lawn up to snuff before Tuesday rolls around. In my mind, though, there are about 40 other tasks also begging my attention around here. I'm fortunate to be able to choose and its a problem I'd rather have than not. :)

Other than that, I had my mind blown at a training class for Microsoft Excel 2016 (Pivot Tables, Pivot Charts, and Conditional Formatting! Oh, my!!), worried for my bestie who was feeling sick today, earned a trophy in Assassin's Creed Odyssey, scoured the hell out of my bathroom, and did some laundry.

Did I accomplish everything I wanted to today? No! Was it still productive? Yes! Therefore, its a win.


via GIPHY

Goodnight, world.


Wednesday, February 13, 2019

All Bollywood

Well, its happened again. I've been hunting for a couple weeks for my February movie theater experience, feeling very blah again over my choices, waiting to see if there are any less blah ones that come out each new week to no avail. I got fed up and went over to the site that shows what Bollywood will be showing this Sunday and what did I find?!!?!?!?!?!! Ranveer Singh has another new movie? He was my January pick! How can he possibly have another new movie this month?! The guy's a workhorse!

So it looks like this one is something like the Hindi version of Eminem's movie, 8 Mile. Hmm, I thought. This could be really corny but Ranveer's never let me down so I believe I'll be watching the late showing of Gully Boy Sunday night. Here's the preview with a subtitles option.



While we're on the topic of Bollywood movies. I think my favorite Ranveer movie, Bajirao Mastani is due for a rewatch this year. "Witness the power and glory of one of India’s greatest empires and the epic love story of the warrior Peshwa Bajirao. (Eros Now)"



There are also a couple new ones coming down the pipeline that excite me. I'll leave those previews here so I can remember later. The first is Uri. I'm usually down for a good war story as long as its not World War I or World War II. I'm tired of those and like learning about other wars, wars I sometimes never even knew happened. Anyway, this one looks good to me!



The other is Manikarnika. Girl looks like she went through some stuff and then just got pissed! I see some tell tale signs of "crazy Bollywood movie magic" happening in this one where they occasionally do impossible things like run upward through the air but no matter. It still looks good to me!



That's it for now and I'm off to the gym! What movies are you excited to see? :)

Monday, February 11, 2019

Funny book PSA

So, I started a new book--Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman--and I haven't laughed this hard from a book since I read Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half a few years ago. I'm dying. The other night on the way home from work there was a bit where she told the story of how she started her period and the subsequent few months where she tried to figure things out and adapt. Tears were coming out of my eyes from laughter. I was laughing so hard I was trying not to laugh anymore because my face hurt. Today, on the walk home from the gym I was listening and it was all about pubic hair or what she likes to call a muff, or a whole host of other hilarious names that she tosses around. Lest I look like a crazy person, I desperately tried to hold my giggles in while enjoying the breeze, intermittent sunshine, and all the little signs of impending spring that I passed along the way. Baby leaves are emerging!!! Yay!

Back to what I was saying. The book is hilarious and I like that we can laugh about all the crazy shit about being a woman and a girl. I wonder if there are books like this about men? I think a guy would also find it hilarious to listen to another guy's crazy stories about how he tried to deal with all the crazy things about puberty like unpredictable erections. I mean, both sexes deal with shit and everybody goes through it. Its relatable and funny!

I tried a couple other books before this one but none stuck. Have no idea where this will go but so far so good and she seems like my type of feminist. We'll see!

In other news...


  1. My kid unknowingly started a fire in the empty kitchen last night and nobody even knew it was ablaze until the fire alarms went off and he ran through the house screaming, "FIRE! FIRE!!" Scared me good. The kids are trying to kill me slow, I know it. I can feel it...lol but I love them anyway.
  2. I have a visible bruise on my face from I don't know what. No one's noticed but me so it must not be noticeable but it still hurts lol
  3. I ripped my zombie toenail back again. It was excruciating and I can see that it bled under the nail again from being ripped away from the skin. Sigh. Will my nail never be right again?!
  4. Its finally warm enough to wear a dress to work! Most of my work dresses are black but I think I'd like a red dress. Mmm, yes. A red one! I'll try to make it happen this year lol
Nothing more to say for now. I'm either going to head out into the sunshine to lay out or weed the garden, play Assassin's Creed Origins, or make something called creamy herbed potatoes that I found a recipe for. Then, its off to work for the night.

Toodles, asswipes!

Friday, February 8, 2019

Weathering winter

Hello and welcome. I have nothing clever to say and am emotionally exhausted from this day so as usual...let's dive right in!
First up, I finished Frankenstein and finally found out who was going to die in the end. Classics aren't always easy to read but this one wasn't too bad at all and I dug it. Check it out sometime if you care to!
I also finished reading my coworker's short story which was actually pretty creepy and took me in quite a few different directions within the span of only a few pages. She got my two cents, we hashed out plot holes, and it's now been passed to my other coworker for review. Great coworkers they are!

The weather got a little more...we'll say...wintery than I prefer and my life started falling apart LOL Ok, not really but still.  My house was a mess, eating habits were suffering, I got a cold, nothing was being accomplished, depression came, and I could barely leave my bed in the morning. I spent a lot of time doing this...with this guy looking at me like that...
What will I do without him?
Luckily, I no longer live in a cold climate so it didn't last too long.
The weather started warming up again, the sun is out, and I feel like I'm coming back to life. Thank goodness!!!!! I've done a couple things since I thawed out and will record them here.

The trim in the living room is finally done! I will add here that painting doors makes a huge difference but it SUCKS! Painting doors sucks. Ok, moving on. The desire to start painting a new room is strong but I can save money right now by finishing the trim and doors in the hallway to complete that project which I already have the materials for. Guess I'll be responsible and disciplined... eye roll!

I mentioned in another post that the soil test kit arrived the other day and has now been completed. The results are in! The test included PH, Potash, Phosphate, and Nitrogen which I put in order below.
PH

Potash

Phosphate

Nitrogen
The colors didn't really show so well with the camera but here's what I learned. PH is pretty much fine and within range, as is Potash (the orange one), whatever that is. The soil is lacking Nitrogen, of which there seems to be none whatsoever, and Phosphate was low. This explains why almost nothing sprouted when I planted in the fall and most of what did couldn't sustain itself past a couple inches. Soooooo, the kit says to add dried blood and/or nitrate of soda for Nitrogen and bone meal and/or triple superphosphate for Phosphate. Triple superphosphate? lol Anyway, I'll be headed in soon with my list to get my witches brew ingredients and some milk of the poppy. Wink, wink. Next up for this project is figuring out what to plant, where, and buying the seeds.

That's all I've got for that...
Oh! I've been missing my bucket list stuff and was thinking about it the other day. I have an official addition to make! Ahem...

--I would  like to try to recreate a Bob Ross painting from one of his shows. --

Yes lol. If you've ever watched his show, he tells you everything you need to do it and its like a little tutorial. I don't know why I never thought of it before but I saw somebody do it on YouTube, my mouth fell open, and it was on. I stopped in my local art store today to inquire about the materials and will wait for the right time. :)

As I said at the beginning of this post, today wasn't the easiest and as it was coming to a close I felt like I was going to come out of my skin if I didn't get some space...well...from my life I suppose.

What do you do in those times?

I usually do something crazy and/or spontaneous just to break things up. I happened to be home with my oldest kid when I reached the boiling point so I told him to grab some food, a blanket, his slides, a sweatshirt, get in the car, and we went to the beach for the first time of 2019 to see the sunset. See below. (Earlier in the day I also randomly took a nap outside on the ground in the sun and spent an entire 30 minute commute with the windows down, wind in my hair, blasting my music, singing at the top of my lungs, and dancing. I hope everyone enjoyed the show as much as I did.)
How beautiful is that...
Its in these big places and when I see big things like that sky or the ocean when I'm reminded how insignificant I am. My time here is like a speck among billions, a wisp of air that will be gone in no time with no remembrance after a couple generations. My life is meaningless in the grand scheme of things except to maybe a couple handfuls of people and one day I'll be gone. I guess that always calms me a little by putting things in perspective and grounds me, too. Until that day comes, I'll just keep doing things and putting one foot in front of the other because if I can't do that I might as well already be dead.

We'll conclude with a quote today and then I'm off to bed. Ready?

"You are the sky. Everything else - its just the weather."
-Pema Chödrön

Goodnight, no one...

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

End of day blabbering

Another day comes to an end. The stars were bright and beautiful tonight and I secretly stood outside of my house for a couple minutes to try to find some I knew. I can only ever seem to find Orion's belt. I can't even find the dippers anymore. I think it would be amazing to lay on the beach on a clear, warm night and try to find constellations.

I'm in the last stretch of Frankenstein. Who knew that Frankenstein was actually the name of the scientist guy and not the creature he put together? I didn't. (SPOILER ALERT) Soooo...he was a bad creator and royally pissed his creation off. The monster has now killed everyone he's ever loved and they are in a wild goose chase all over the globe. What's going to happen?! I don't think I ever knew the end of this story so I truly don't know. lol. Will Frankenstein manage to kill his creation once and for all or will his creation keep tormenting him until he dies? Would the creation die eventually as well? All questions I hope to have answered in the next few days. I love stories. :)

My kid asked me yesterday for a bottle of plain Elmer's glue, food coloring, and old fashioned foam shaving cream. I procured these items at the store this morning and sat them on his bed. When I came home from work tonight he was proudly waiting inside the door with some kind of slime he created! What am I going to do with this one?!? I haven't yet looked into his laboratory a.k.a. his bedroom but I'm scared of what I might find. Gee whiz.

I applied yet again for a bigger, better job so we'll see if I can make it this time. Not much to say there. Just playing the waiting game again. Sigh.

Well...I'm off to bed. I've been honored with the opportunity to read a short story that one of my coworkers wrote today called, The Soulist. I have no idea what its about except that apparently there is a creepy apple somewhere in there and that it holds one of the best lines she's ever written. I'll try to find that.

Goodnight world...

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Sleepy, Shuba, Powerlifting, Lighting round!

Hey, you. Today has been for sleeping apparently as every time an activity was attempted or I sat down somewhere I fell asleep again, for hours. Every. Time. I don't think I've been tired in this way for a long time. I'll try to make it through this post.

Here are some things that have happened as of late:

Assassin's Creed Origins has begun! You can see more about the game here if you like. I love it so far. Love the music, love the setting, controls are similar to AC Odyssey so its easy to pick it up.

Another kitchen adventure has gone down and this time I made and tasted Shuba for the first time; a Ukranian, or Russian it seems as well, salad made with herring and various veggies. I do have a "thing" about fish but its not fishy at all and was pretty good! I'll make it again so the recipe I used is here. Next time I'll put less mayo on the top and instead add it to the middle layer as my top layer seemed to be less of an intense red than most of the pics I saw online. Overall, good stuff!!

Yesterday, I went to my first powerlifting meet. Even though I was up for 23 hours straight it was the best adventure I've had in a long time. It was in another city so there was a fun road trip component, world records were broken, I got to help support a fellow gym member in his first meet, see where I measure up against other women lifters, and spent the whole day with my best friend. I feel rich for being able to have so much goodness in one day and for getting to keep those memories for a lifetime!

The other day I took the black weed cloth off the garden beds that was supposed to block out all the sun and kill everything off. Yaaaaaa, that was a fail. It does seem to have killed the grass but most of the weeds remained. This soil testing kit (below) and a gallon of distilled water are ready to go for soil testing as soon as the soil dries out from today's rain. More on this in a later post.
Home Soil Test
Ok, I'm fading fast so let's enter "Lightning Round"!!!! :) Quickly...


  • I did my first bodyweight tricep dip! Getting stronger all the time!!!
  • Savings goals are on track and running smoothly despite a couple potential snags throughout January!!
  • I want to remember this book for later. Basically, its full of signs found throughout the world that display bad English. A coworker had it at work, it was hilarious, and I want to peruse it for myself!


  • Cooking as been fun lately and there have been lots of meals that make me happpppyyyy!!! Like this one!


  • I parked next to someone who had this sticker on their car and laughed. Genius and so true!!! To all the people whose cars have been dinged by my kids during their lifetimes, I'm so sorry! I really am.



  • I learned about Venezuelan atrepas from someone I was helping at work. They showed me a couple YouTube videos of people making them, I'm intrigued, and wanted to save this here for a future cooking adventure.



  • Last but not least, I hung some more art on my walls. Geez!!! lol

That's all for tonight folks but let's end with some quotes!

"Always keep in mind that sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step in your life."
-Paige Hathaway
Ah, and haven't we all looked back and seen the truth in this statement. Good words.

"Water which is too pure has no fish."
-Ts'ai Ken T'an
This one goes out to all the perfectionists out there, myself included. Life is messy and can be hard but those very things also bring out the best stuff sometimes. Things like heartfelt music, risks that turn out in the end to be rewards, love, great stories, growth as human beings, perspective, insight, character, etc. Embrace the messy! We're all going to end up dead anyway, right? So let's do the things!

Goodnight!!







Monday, January 21, 2019

Finding lights in the dark

There were many good things today and it all started with slathering mayonnaise in my hair. Haha, ok not really.I did deep condition my hair today but that's not.... Let's just get started. :)
I woke this morning and before leaving the warmth of my blankets, cracked open a completely new story, a book called Compartment No. 6 by Rosa Liksom. I believe it's something of a Russian love story that begins with two strangers on a train leaving Moscow. I read only two pages and had to put it down due to my excitement for the start of this journey. lol I'm saving it for times when I can be alone. Here's the cover.
On the docket for the day was having some family photos taken which, according to various angry members of my extended family, are about five years past due. Oops. Apparently, mine is the only family photo missing from the wall at my Grandma's house and it's gotten to the point where I'm dodging her phone calls. On top of this, we don't even have a professional family photo that includes my youngest--and he's eight!! It was time. The pictures took about two hours of the day, turned out  well, and I can mark this goal for 2019 off the list. Yeah!!
Overall, everyone was tired today so after pictures we all settled into our respective spots to do nothing for the rest of the day. I spent many hours curled up on the couch in pajamas with my dooder head (see below) and a fire crackling in the fireplace, playing Assassin's Creed Odyssey. Felt so good!!
The dooder
Anyway, I earned the last bit of trophies for the game and worked on clearing the map. Favorite side characters in this game would definitely be Alkibiades for being able to add sexual innuendo to anything and always making me smirk and probably Sokrates for always urging others to examine all sides and never seeming to take one himself. Love it! lol 
Lover Boy
Sokrates
Moving on! 
My oldest is currently learning to cook and is in charge of dinner one night each week. He's starting to get a bit more confident and adventurous and it's very fun to watch! Last night, I received a text  from him that he wanted to make us all spaghetti and meatballs, completely from scratch, and was wanting to know how difficult that would be. I advised that he maybe tackle one at a time so today he created a small army of his first meatballs. So cute and he was beaming when we all raved over his meal. :)
First meatballs ready for cooking
The icing on today's cake was when we all realized that due to MLK Jr. Day there would be no school or work tomorrow. Therefore, I'm off to play more of my game but I'll leave you with two songs that are in heavy rotation for me at the moment!



There also were, and will be, some hard things to deal with, think about, and overcome today. I made a conscious choice at the beginning to look for the little good things that would be sprinkled throughout the day and look at all I found! And there were so much more!! :) I'll hold those things with me in the dark. Goodnight, Internets!