Sunday, February 24, 2019

Old therapy exercises...

Taken from old, handwritten therapy exercises from 2013:

Old journal entry...

I found a handwritten journal entry from January 2014 today and it was weird looking back. I'll put it here as it was written. Anything changed will be in [].

Another lazy Sunday

Well, its Sunday. Each one has a similar flavor; panic over what still needs to be done in order to be ready for the week ahead, trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life, and rebelliousness and refusal to do anything other than whatever the hell I want. I usually end up doing a smattering of all three and feel alright about it. Meh.

The garden is coming along and things seem to be growing this time...so far. I'm not claiming victory yet.
Herbs/Flowers
The corn was planted this morning after soaking overnight so fingers crossed there that it won't be too cold for it. Technically, it wasn't supposed to go in before March but I wanted it to get a head start. Maybe I made a rookie mistake or maybe it will turn out ok. Like I said, fingers crossed.

Each morning I go out to look at the plants, pull a weed or two, see what's changed...overnight. lol Hey, it's relaxing, don't judge me! The dooder likes to come, too, and see what I'm up to. If I dig somewhere, he digs somewhere else. If I lay somewhere, he lays too. If I sit, he's right beside me. Today he observed me digging and planting the corn so he dug up a fresh patch of dirt in a sunny spot to relax and make sure all was going well.
Dooder approved
The basil is growing for sure and I think we'll be able to have homegrown pesto on pasta for dinner one night this week. Oh, and look who I found lurking there this morning. A ladybug! These guys are beneficial for the garden, eat pests, and more importantly have babies on the plants that turn into voracious, pest-eating predator larvae. RAWR!! Welcome to the basil neighborhood little guy! Invite your friends!
Create army please!
The tomato cages arrived the other day as well as the rest of the seeds. The rest of everything will go in the ground when March arrives. Anyway, so far, so good and that's enough of that for now!

I've given up on a few books I was trying to read in print. Sigh. The Russian story had gone absolutely NOWHERE a third of the way through  so that had to go. I tried for the fourth time to read a Dean Koontz novel and almost halfway through it I just couldn't hang any longer. Everybody seems to dig Dean Koontz but apparently he's not for me. I'm dabbling in a social media book for continuing education at work, picked up a project management for dummies book so I can get the scoop there, and may tackle the next Saga which is at my house right now. I miss Lying cat. Plus, that'll be short and I think I need a confidence booster.

For anyone on Netflix and looking for something to watch, I'm completely stuck up the butt of this documentary called Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat. Here's the trailer.


Love her, love the food, love watching her cook, love that she takes inspiration from all over the world. Check it out!

Well, I was going to mow the front yard but ooooooh darn, its raining now. ;) Guess I'll just have to continue doing nothing!

Until next time...

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Nerdy spring garden plan!

The nerd in me was strong today. So strong that even my coworkers, who happen to be huge nerds themselves, were teasing me. That has to be a new personal low...or high! :) What was I doing to cause such teasing????

Planning the garden! That doesn't sound very nerdy lol but let me set the scene. I had cleared an entire space at my desk, had my notebook out with various pens and pencils, an eraser and ruler, and about 25 tabs open on my computer. Also being consulted was my phone and various printed publications from the Duval county extension agency. What can I say? Things were serious. As you'll see below, there are four 8'x4' raised beds and I like using square-foot gardening as a guide. Oh, and yes, I'm aware there are online programs that do this same thing for me but I don't like those as much.

I present to you (aka myself lol), for memory's sake, the 2019 spring garden layout! I've learned things each time I've had a garden in this house so unlike last fall (if things will actually sprout and grow this time!), I think it will do okay!

For example, last time I did corn this happened...

The corn grew and grew and was so exciting! The green beans were growing, too! Things were growing great! OMG! Aaaaand then the beans kind of took over. Using the corn for the beans to climb worked out great. However, I think the corn needed to have a head start on growing before the beans started because it never got to reach its full height before the beans kind of strangled it. Literally! There were areas where the bean vines wrapped so tightly around the corn that it was digging in and causing deformities. Also, the package had recommended four corn plants per square foot and that proved to be too many which I also think stunted the growth. In the same vein, I think there were too many bean plants for the amount of corn. I did get some baby corn cobs that grew and that was fun but they never fully formed and so while it looked cool and provided a functional role for the beans that year, I never got to eat any corn. Booooo. Ate so many green beans though!!! Yum!

This time around I did some research and learned that one corn plant per square foot is better for better and happier corn AND fewer bean plants won't cause as much stress. On top of that, I'm going to plant the corn 2-3 weeks before the beans this time and fertilize more than just at the planting.
Corn & Green Beans
Will apply the same logic to the corn and cucumbers bed. I haven't had success with cucumbers yet even though I've tried twice before. I think from what I read today that I'll need to be more cognizant about adding natural fertilizers throughout the season and making sure this bed has adequate water for it to actually produce edible cucumbers. Seems like cucumbers might be a little more fussy than the other stuff. Be strong cucumbers! I want to eat you! I've never grown the cucumbers with the corn so I'm not sure if they'll climb or not so we'll see. I also think since corn needs to be in a bigger grouping to pollinate right that having two beds of it next to each other instead of just one will help it along, too. Fingers crossed!
Corn & Cucumbers
Basil, basil, basil. Basil always goes crazy and does well. Needless to say, every summer with a garden here has been full of homemade pesto. Love it! Will be planting a lot more this year though! Tomatoes have been tricky so far so I'm determined to improve on these as well this time around. It's the cages. Tomato cages found in stores suck. They just suck. Too small, too flimsy, pointless. My mom had amazing tomato cages when I was a girl but I found out later they were constructed with farm fencing. Something I'll probably do in the future when I have more space, IF I ever have more space... Anyway, aside from the plants and seeds, this will probably cost me the most money out of the whole garden project but if it will save the tomato plants from toppling over halfway through summer then I'm down to try. I usually get good tomatoes but never enough. Will also try to be better in this bed about natural fertilizers and more consistent watering.

Tomatoes & Basil
Eggplants have always gone great and should be no problem but no luck has been had with peppers thus far. I'm determined and again, I think with better and more consistent fertilizing and watering, something will happen!
Eggplants & Peppers
As always, I like companion planting so there are lots of beneficial flowers and herbs planned out in each bed as well. The seeds were ordered today and I think I found a 25% off coupon so may order the cages tonight. I have my list ready to go for all the plants to buy and which get planted in the first wave and the second. Please, please, please let this time be a success. I really miss the garden. :(

In other news, I was checking up on goals for the year and was able to cross another one off. Ready?!

I finally benched the big girl plates at the gym!! (135lbs) Love getting stronger :)

Also today, I learned from my coworkers how to use Reddit and Tumblr, brought home a book with some Excel practice stuff in it, learned there was such a thing as the Excel World Championship (SUPER NERDS!), and my interest was piqued with project management stuff. I want to learn more about it because it seems like something I might dig and could use to help keep my home projects more organized and moving along.

How about a song! Yes! I'll leave you with a favorite from my teenage days and helped to get me through a tough few sets of squats in the gym the other day! Sometimes you just have to get back in those dark places! Song starts 32 seconds in ;)



That's all for now. Now go away!!! :)

Friday, February 15, 2019

Little things from the day

I ran into a quote today...

"You can lie down for people to walk on you and they will still complain that you're not flat enough."

I think it was supposed to be sad and about adult, romantic relationships but then I realized it perfectly sums up exactly how most parents probably feel about the way their kids treat them most of the time. Seen in that light, it kind of made me giggle. Perspective is everything people. ;)

If you've been around this little space of mine, you know I enjoy cooking. I especially enjoy cooking things on a whim. However, I still have to use a recipe, for if I don't things go terribly, terribly wrong. I learned this about myself years ago, decades ago!

Occasionally, I get a little excited and go off course, which is what happened this week, and now I have the most hilariously revolting looking pie in my refrigerator. Here's what happened. I was in store #1...very hungry...saw graham cracker pie crusts in the baking aisle...compulsively and trance-like put one in my cart. This was wildly odd behavior, there were exactly zero things at home to fill this pie crust, and is exactly the reason you should never go to the store starving. A few days later I was in store #2...passed boxed pudding and a light bulb goes off in my head...can put pudding in the crust and that equals pie...puts ridiculous amount of both vanilla and chocolate pudding boxes into cart because no idea how much is needed.

The next night I read absolutely no instructions, because who needs those (I do!!!!), make both types of pudding and pour both into the pie crust. Very pleased with myself but a little worried about how loose it appears and that it's overflowing a little, I put it in the fridge and go to bed. Today, my kids excitedly tried to eat some "pie". Haha! This is the most horrible pie! The puddings mixed together unnaturally and look like cat vomit, you can't serve it as slices at all and instead must scoop your cat vomit pudding out of the pie pan with a spoon and with it you will have bits of graham cracker crust mixed in. Meanwhile, the pudding left in the pan seeps out and fills the holes you created in a loose, "liquidy" way. It looks absolutely disgusting and my youngest can't quit talking about how great it tastes and is the only pie he's ever liked. I think he just likes pudding and its back to recipes for me! :)


via GIPHY

There was a success in the kitchen recently as well though! Something new! Bonus! Forgive me, I will butcher this name but I followed a recipe for Ptichye Moloko(?) but I think that's the Russian name for it. It seems to also be called Bird's Milk so we'll go with that for now! Yeah!
Anyway, its a creamy, sweet, whipped dessert with chocolate on top and is yummy yum yum yum and so naughty!! The kids devoured it and raved which is always nice so I'll be making this again soon. Apparently, there's a cake version as well and I got to try the store bought candy(?) kind, too! Can you feel how unsure I am about what to call what I've eaten?! lol

I played in the garden today and two of the four beds are officially ready to plant. Woohoo! As an aside, while adding blood meal and bone meal to the soil, I discovered that my dog has a major thing for them. I couldn't keep him out of it! At one point I caught him dragging off and tearing open the bag of bone meal to get at it and when I wasn't looking he was trying to eat it out of the dirt! WTH? I let my little one plant a few marigolds in the two beds that were ready, to act as the goldfish of the garden. Why? They're small and expendable. If they die, then I still have work to do with the soil. If they live, then great! I need them there anyway! In my mind, I will finish the other two beds, plan the layout, order the seeds, and get the front and back lawn up to snuff before Tuesday rolls around. In my mind, though, there are about 40 other tasks also begging my attention around here. I'm fortunate to be able to choose and its a problem I'd rather have than not. :)

Other than that, I had my mind blown at a training class for Microsoft Excel 2016 (Pivot Tables, Pivot Charts, and Conditional Formatting! Oh, my!!), worried for my bestie who was feeling sick today, earned a trophy in Assassin's Creed Odyssey, scoured the hell out of my bathroom, and did some laundry.

Did I accomplish everything I wanted to today? No! Was it still productive? Yes! Therefore, its a win.


via GIPHY

Goodnight, world.


Wednesday, February 13, 2019

All Bollywood

Well, its happened again. I've been hunting for a couple weeks for my February movie theater experience, feeling very blah again over my choices, waiting to see if there are any less blah ones that come out each new week to no avail. I got fed up and went over to the site that shows what Bollywood will be showing this Sunday and what did I find?!!?!?!?!?!! Ranveer Singh has another new movie? He was my January pick! How can he possibly have another new movie this month?! The guy's a workhorse!

So it looks like this one is something like the Hindi version of Eminem's movie, 8 Mile. Hmm, I thought. This could be really corny but Ranveer's never let me down so I believe I'll be watching the late showing of Gully Boy Sunday night. Here's the preview with a subtitles option.



While we're on the topic of Bollywood movies. I think my favorite Ranveer movie, Bajirao Mastani is due for a rewatch this year. "Witness the power and glory of one of India’s greatest empires and the epic love story of the warrior Peshwa Bajirao. (Eros Now)"



There are also a couple new ones coming down the pipeline that excite me. I'll leave those previews here so I can remember later. The first is Uri. I'm usually down for a good war story as long as its not World War I or World War II. I'm tired of those and like learning about other wars, wars I sometimes never even knew happened. Anyway, this one looks good to me!



The other is Manikarnika. Girl looks like she went through some stuff and then just got pissed! I see some tell tale signs of "crazy Bollywood movie magic" happening in this one where they occasionally do impossible things like run upward through the air but no matter. It still looks good to me!



That's it for now and I'm off to the gym! What movies are you excited to see? :)

Monday, February 11, 2019

Funny book PSA

So, I started a new book--Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman--and I haven't laughed this hard from a book since I read Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half a few years ago. I'm dying. The other night on the way home from work there was a bit where she told the story of how she started her period and the subsequent few months where she tried to figure things out and adapt. Tears were coming out of my eyes from laughter. I was laughing so hard I was trying not to laugh anymore because my face hurt. Today, on the walk home from the gym I was listening and it was all about pubic hair or what she likes to call a muff, or a whole host of other hilarious names that she tosses around. Lest I look like a crazy person, I desperately tried to hold my giggles in while enjoying the breeze, intermittent sunshine, and all the little signs of impending spring that I passed along the way. Baby leaves are emerging!!! Yay!

Back to what I was saying. The book is hilarious and I like that we can laugh about all the crazy shit about being a woman and a girl. I wonder if there are books like this about men? I think a guy would also find it hilarious to listen to another guy's crazy stories about how he tried to deal with all the crazy things about puberty like unpredictable erections. I mean, both sexes deal with shit and everybody goes through it. Its relatable and funny!

I tried a couple other books before this one but none stuck. Have no idea where this will go but so far so good and she seems like my type of feminist. We'll see!

In other news...


  1. My kid unknowingly started a fire in the empty kitchen last night and nobody even knew it was ablaze until the fire alarms went off and he ran through the house screaming, "FIRE! FIRE!!" Scared me good. The kids are trying to kill me slow, I know it. I can feel it...lol but I love them anyway.
  2. I have a visible bruise on my face from I don't know what. No one's noticed but me so it must not be noticeable but it still hurts lol
  3. I ripped my zombie toenail back again. It was excruciating and I can see that it bled under the nail again from being ripped away from the skin. Sigh. Will my nail never be right again?!
  4. Its finally warm enough to wear a dress to work! Most of my work dresses are black but I think I'd like a red dress. Mmm, yes. A red one! I'll try to make it happen this year lol
Nothing more to say for now. I'm either going to head out into the sunshine to lay out or weed the garden, play Assassin's Creed Origins, or make something called creamy herbed potatoes that I found a recipe for. Then, its off to work for the night.

Toodles, asswipes!

Friday, February 8, 2019

Weathering winter

Hello and welcome. I have nothing clever to say and am emotionally exhausted from this day so as usual...let's dive right in!
First up, I finished Frankenstein and finally found out who was going to die in the end. Classics aren't always easy to read but this one wasn't too bad at all and I dug it. Check it out sometime if you care to!
I also finished reading my coworker's short story which was actually pretty creepy and took me in quite a few different directions within the span of only a few pages. She got my two cents, we hashed out plot holes, and it's now been passed to my other coworker for review. Great coworkers they are!

The weather got a little more...we'll say...wintery than I prefer and my life started falling apart LOL Ok, not really but still.  My house was a mess, eating habits were suffering, I got a cold, nothing was being accomplished, depression came, and I could barely leave my bed in the morning. I spent a lot of time doing this...with this guy looking at me like that...
What will I do without him?
Luckily, I no longer live in a cold climate so it didn't last too long.
The weather started warming up again, the sun is out, and I feel like I'm coming back to life. Thank goodness!!!!! I've done a couple things since I thawed out and will record them here.

The trim in the living room is finally done! I will add here that painting doors makes a huge difference but it SUCKS! Painting doors sucks. Ok, moving on. The desire to start painting a new room is strong but I can save money right now by finishing the trim and doors in the hallway to complete that project which I already have the materials for. Guess I'll be responsible and disciplined... eye roll!

I mentioned in another post that the soil test kit arrived the other day and has now been completed. The results are in! The test included PH, Potash, Phosphate, and Nitrogen which I put in order below.
PH

Potash

Phosphate

Nitrogen
The colors didn't really show so well with the camera but here's what I learned. PH is pretty much fine and within range, as is Potash (the orange one), whatever that is. The soil is lacking Nitrogen, of which there seems to be none whatsoever, and Phosphate was low. This explains why almost nothing sprouted when I planted in the fall and most of what did couldn't sustain itself past a couple inches. Soooooo, the kit says to add dried blood and/or nitrate of soda for Nitrogen and bone meal and/or triple superphosphate for Phosphate. Triple superphosphate? lol Anyway, I'll be headed in soon with my list to get my witches brew ingredients and some milk of the poppy. Wink, wink. Next up for this project is figuring out what to plant, where, and buying the seeds.

That's all I've got for that...
Oh! I've been missing my bucket list stuff and was thinking about it the other day. I have an official addition to make! Ahem...

--I would  like to try to recreate a Bob Ross painting from one of his shows. --

Yes lol. If you've ever watched his show, he tells you everything you need to do it and its like a little tutorial. I don't know why I never thought of it before but I saw somebody do it on YouTube, my mouth fell open, and it was on. I stopped in my local art store today to inquire about the materials and will wait for the right time. :)

As I said at the beginning of this post, today wasn't the easiest and as it was coming to a close I felt like I was going to come out of my skin if I didn't get some space...well...from my life I suppose.

What do you do in those times?

I usually do something crazy and/or spontaneous just to break things up. I happened to be home with my oldest kid when I reached the boiling point so I told him to grab some food, a blanket, his slides, a sweatshirt, get in the car, and we went to the beach for the first time of 2019 to see the sunset. See below. (Earlier in the day I also randomly took a nap outside on the ground in the sun and spent an entire 30 minute commute with the windows down, wind in my hair, blasting my music, singing at the top of my lungs, and dancing. I hope everyone enjoyed the show as much as I did.)
How beautiful is that...
Its in these big places and when I see big things like that sky or the ocean when I'm reminded how insignificant I am. My time here is like a speck among billions, a wisp of air that will be gone in no time with no remembrance after a couple generations. My life is meaningless in the grand scheme of things except to maybe a couple handfuls of people and one day I'll be gone. I guess that always calms me a little by putting things in perspective and grounds me, too. Until that day comes, I'll just keep doing things and putting one foot in front of the other because if I can't do that I might as well already be dead.

We'll conclude with a quote today and then I'm off to bed. Ready?

"You are the sky. Everything else - its just the weather."
-Pema Chödrön

Goodnight, no one...