the perfect drug

How I never became a full on drug addict I will never know. Sometimes I think that the pull will always be there for me, knowing that I could numb the pain even if only for a little while at a time.

i can't sleep again...ever...

Is anything real at all? I mean our entire existence is based on our perceptions which are completely subjective and contrary to what we might believe are based on mere pieces of the puzzle.

What if you were given the option to literally "plug" into another person? To live, feel and experience as they do? Would you? Would you then allow someone to see your world?

I've been running my NIN albums in loops for that last few days so here are a couple of my favorites.

"Peeling off my white denial"

I almost came to tears in class today. We watched a video on how "race" began in America and the floodgates of emotions opened up. For starters, remember when we were little and learned all about Thomas Jefferson and how great he was and yada yada yada. Well I'm sure all that stuff was true and great but I am angry that a significant piece of information was omitted. A significant piece of American history. Thomas Jefferson also wrote a book called Notes on the State of Virginia where he described, well, Virginia. It was in this book that he wrote that he thought that the blacks must be inferior in mind and body. This started a huge, ugly, ripple effect. I won't go into detail about what happened then. Also, this was the man who signed the declaration of independence stating "All men are created equal"...he did this while he owned over 200 slaves!! Hypocritical much! They all justified this however by saying that because blacks must be inferior then they didn't count as the "men" in "All men are created equal." WTF!!? I understand that this is past and nothing can be done now but I just feel that I should have been given the whole picture. I am starting to see what people mean when they say that schools teach from the dominant point of view. Well, that is just my rant on Thomas Jefferson and what is taught in schools. I won't go in to Native Americans or the Mexicans that had their land completely and outright taken away!
My problem is now, what do I teach my son? I want to give him the whole picture of American history and his history but a big part of that picture is just so awful and embarrassing. And how do I explain moving forward? I am only just beginning to see just how ingrained race really is in our society. In the words of my professor, I'm "peeling off my white denial." I'm overwhelmed, sad, embarrassed, angry, perplexed, conflicted, curious and inspired. So among my big thoughts to ponder for the day are these:
What would America have become without European colonization?
Would the same types of things happened, just by a different group of peoples?
Would "America" be here at all?
Would "race" exist?
Is another world possible?

Thoughts? Suggestions? Comments?

Want to watch the video that inspired this post? Click here to go to the website. Its a PBS 3-Part Series called Race-The Power of an Illusion. We watched Episode 2 today in class.

prejudice assignment

Okay just a preface here. I am majoring in Psychology and I'm currently taking a class called Racial and Cultural Minorities. One of our assignments was to write a short little essay about what prejudices we hold and where we think they originated. I wrote a TON but since it could only be about 500 words I had to cut it down significantly. Anywho...I decided to post it here. I hope that those who read keep in mind that we all hold prejudices of some sort and I am only trying to become more aware of what mine actually are. You know what they say...the first step to change is knowing there is a problem. Enjoy! Oh ya and it looks like one big blob but it was really four different paragraphs. Blogger was giving me grief about formatting or something and I didn't feel like messing with it anymore.

This assignment has been both difficult to process and an eye-opening experience. I did not realize that I was holding prejudices toward a number of groups such as the homeless, the mentally handicapped, the elderly, the morbidly obese, men, and police officers. I will reflect in the following paragraphs on two of my strongest prejudices; the elderly and the morbidly obese.
I must first clarify that my prejudice toward the elderly only includes individuals that are no longer able to care for themselves and that are in rapidly declining health. As a child, I was taken weekly to the local nursing home to dance and sing for the tenants. What was supposed to be a positive experience for me I’m sure was in fact, a very negative experience. I was afraid of the elderly and watching them eat always nauseated me. I got into trouble with the law as a teenager and was sentenced to community service at another nursing home. I remember thinking that there was something wrong with the fact that helping out at a nursing home was considered a punishment. The experience I had there during my community service reinforced my negative feelings toward the elderly even more. I was made to clean feces off the walls and all of the half eaten food off of the dining room tables and floor after dinner. I also witnessed a number of other bodily fluid related incidents. I felt physically ill every day that I was there. I feel sick even now just writing about the things I witnessed, heard, and smelled during my time there.
I believe that my prejudice toward the morbidly obese stems from my Mother’s own body image issues. The general belief in my household growing up was that being even slightly overweight was extremely frowned upon and associated with a number of unfavorable characteristics such as lack of self-restraint, laziness, and poor hygiene. I remember being called greedy and gluttonous numerous times at the dinner table and I was thin. My thought process was that if I was these things and I was thin then what did that say about the morbidly obese? I now understand that there are mental and physical obstacles that can stand in the way of overall health and fitness. I’m sure that most people do not enjoy being morbidly obese so I ashamed that I generally prejudge them the way I do. In high school I became friends with a girl named Crystal. Crystal was morbidly obese. She turned out to be a complete opposite of everything that my well constructed stereotype said that she would be and my friendship with her was a very positive experience.
Although my friendship with Crystal broadened my perspective, it was not enough to overthrow the beliefs that I had ingrained. I also know that the elderly cannot help their conditions. However, I have become so uncomfortable with the thought of the elderly that I avoid them if I can. Finally, I understand that it is my responsibility to seek out the positive experiences needed to counteract the prejudices that I hold.

Simplicity 3796 View F

Pattern Description: Misses skirt in three lengths and pants in two lengths or shorts.

Pattern Sizing: I made View F/size 10...according to the measurements I should have been a 12 but it ran big.

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes

Were the instructions easy to follow?Yes

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?I just didn't like how the drawstring turned out. It just doesn't seem like other drawstring bottoms I have had. It is too stiff or something. I would think this would not be a good pattern for someone with bigger hips and smaller waist because the bottoms have to be big enough to fit over your hips but then have to be cinched up at the top and it bunches a little.

Fabric Used:100% cotton lightweight denim

Pattern Alterations or any design changes you made:No changes

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?I am going to sew some of the other things on this pattern but I don't need another one of these. This skirt is cute so I would recommend it but not to someone with big hips and little waist as mentioned above.

Conclusion: Good learning experience for me. I learned how to use double folded bias tape and did my first pockets. I also got some more topstitching practice in.

Our haiku

Plants in the water
Emerald ethnicity
Tranquility flows

I was reading poetry in one of my old college literature books and stumbled into the haiku section. I love haikus!! Rice and I wrote this haiku about the plant-life in our aquarium.

On the need for self-esteem...

"Self-esteem is a protective shield designed to control the potential for terror that results from awareness of the horrifying possibility that we humans are merely transient animals groping to survive in a meaningless universe, designed only to die and decay. From this perspective, each individual human's name and identity, family and social identifications, goals and aspiration, occupation and title, and humanly created adornments are draped over an animal that, in the cosmic scheme of things, may be no more significant or enduring than any individual potato, pineapple, or porcupine (Pyszczynski et al., 2003)."

I agree with this but where does that leave me? Does this mean that my self-esteem is low? In this context I would say no. If I already believe that I am totally insignificant in the grand scheme of things then do I need my protective shield? I think...that I think...that I definitely do need it because my fellow social creatures(humans) are most definitely something I need to protect my emotional well-being from.

I have realized that when I compare myself to what I believe is "the rest of the world"I have a very positive self-image. It is only when I compare myself to people in my close social network that my self-esteem plummets and bursts into flames. I haven't quite figured that out yet but I am working on it.


Your thoughts??

Field (journal from 7-4-09 )

I'm standing,
Looking out over an endless field
Rolling hills, sprinkled with flowers and lulling grasses, endless sunshine.
I'm standing,
Separated from the field by a white fence stretching as far as the eye can see in both directions. How to get to the other side of the fence?--how ironic.
How to get into that field?
It looks so nice I am almost drunk with the sight of it.
---------------------
I'm teetering on the edge of this abyss.
Catching flashes of a different life, where the only difference is my perception.
I can't seem to catch it in my hands.
It flirts with me--ever slipping through my fingers.
Only leaving me with slight momentary solitude.

Was listening to a little Norah Jones
Norah Jones-Come Away With Me

My blues (journal from 7-4-09)

Being seduced by the voice of John Lee Hooker
Sexy, Cool, Lazy, Deep.
The blues-
dark, yearning, sexy, high heels and shadow, mystery-
reaching it's slow, spiny fingers down into the soul to tickle the hard times.
Whiskey, 5 o'clock shadows, Guitar, Understanding.
Takes me to another space.
Gives me wings,
if only for spiraling downward,
I may glide smooth and lazily in wide arcing circles,
down into the depths of my soul.
My inner yearning and pain,
the ebb and flow of my existence.

and the song of the day is...



I'm working on a new skirt today among other things. LATA!!

Journal entry 5-21-09

Again with the before class thing...

-----------------------


I made a therapy appointment yesterday. 22 days and I will be sitting on a therapist's couch...again. How surreal. I have so many emotions coursing through me at the same time. Mostly I have been feeling grief. I have felt as though I have been mourning for over a month now. Like someone died. Maybe another piece of me died or maybe its something that is in my mind that i am not particularly aware of. I just feel like I am experiencing loss. Occasionally I feel a fighting spirit, like I'm not going to be taken down...but...what am I fighting for...or against. I'm having trouble going to school. I hate being around people. I hate how I just automatically fall into it. I can't just be myself, silent, mourning, self loathing. They don't deserve that. They didn't do anything.
--------------------
I had not been to therapy in over two years so this was a HUGE step for me. I have since had three sessions and I am so glad that I made the decision to go back.

Journal entry 5-19-09

Okay got to class early again and was alone again...

-------------
I had another emotionally charged drive this morning to school. I was...hypervigilant, as my therapist called it. I felt dangerous when I was like that. Like a bomb, waiting for the wrong thing to happen and I would kill someone, or at least fuck them up pretty bad.
There was another mangled blazer sitting there on my way off the base. I almost burst into tears right then. I hoped it helped someone, somewhere but fuck! that shit was torture. All I could envision was our mangled bodies or how we must have looked while it was going down--limp bodies being hurled through glass like rag dolls, skin and skulls splitting open, bones crunching, tires squealing. The entire prom was behind us when it happened and I would give almost anything to have seen it happen. On the way to school on the interstate I though about the all too familiar scene in my head. The one I had created and used often as some kind of way of judging my character and those around me. A high speed interstate crash, ugly, one that made the news and took a long time to clean up. I would be on the brink of death and I would have to make the choice--to fight to stay alive or to let death finally take me. This particular morning I still didn't have an answer. I sighed and felt relief rush over me as I envisioned finally letting go and dying. But I also felt the urge to fight for everyone else. Mostly for my little boy though.
Okay class started so that all for today.
----------
I fantasize about death often as a coping mechanism.

Journal entry 5-14-09

I arrived really early for class on this day and was sitting by my lonesome in the hall and decided to dive into a journal entry. I had listened to MIA's Paper Planes on repeat for the 45 minute drive to school and was ready to shoot someone when I got out of my truck. :) Also, if my diction seems a little odd it is because I was so immersed in the world of Jane Austen that I was starting to speak like the characters. It was funny to me so I just let it flow.
--------
I had an enjoyable drive to school this morning. For one, I was on time. Which is more than I can say for Tuesday's class. Secondly, it was sunny. Thirdly, I had great music on LOUD! It was a bit of an emotional ride however and I dare say I felt a bit volatile.
I have been completely immersed in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice as of late. First, I downloaded the e-book, then the movie, then I watched the movie, then started reading the e-book. I couldn't stand it due to my impatience so I started watching the movie while reading the book. I would read a scene then skip over and watch it play out on the movie. I must say that it follows the book quite well. I have found that I am completely falling in love with Mr. Darcy's character and I am quite compelled to see who the actor is that portrays him. I am none other than breathless every time I watch the scene where he professes his love for her. I ordered the complete works of Jane Austen the other day and I am ecstatic about reading and owning all of her books. I have already downloaded the movies Emma and Sense and Sensibility. The reason for throwing myself so severely into Jane Austen is to replace--displace--my obsession with the Twilight series and Edward Cullen in particular. My plan was to throw myself into some other love story and while it was hard I have succeeded in overcoming the all encompassing love I possess for Edward Cullen! :)

---------
I have since come into the piano sheet music for Pride and Prejudice and am learning my favorite song of the movie, Dawn. While I was able to shake Twilight for a little while I have fallen back into it and am now, shamefully, reading fan fiction to get my fix.

untitled...wait does that make it titled.

I want to stay in my own space
Why does the veil have to slide slowly
Down, over me, entrapping me, enslaving me,
Protecting me...I know why.


------------------------------------------------

Yellow skin, scars run deep
My burden I carry
Conflicting emotion agitates the pools within
building pressure, I seek release...always.

...yearning for more...

...ever yearning for more
Fire, I'm melting into the earth
staring to the moon.
Sparks leak, oozing from my body
my only release.
Darkness, laid out in my solitary confinement
magical, my sensations intoxicating,
Take me.

R.I.P. M.J.

A couple of my favorite Micheal Jackson songs and videos. Mike will always hold a place in my little girl heart.

My feelings exactly...

If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow
If I hadn't assembled myself, I'd have fallen apart by now
If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be, would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow
Bow, aww yeah
If you let them make you, they'll make you paper mache
At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes
Then you crumble and blow away
If you let them fuck you, there will be no fore-play
Rest assured, they'll screw you complete
Til your ass is blue and gray
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try, and make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
If I hadn't made me, I'd have fallen apart by now
I won't let them make me, It's more than I can allow
So when I make me, I won't be paper mache
And if I fuck me, I'll fuck me my own way
BAH, fuck me in my own way
BAH, fuck me in my own way
BAH, fuck me in my own way
Fuck me in my own way
You should make amends with you
If only for better health, better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try, and make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself

Made a new maxi dress

I made my 2nd maxi dress yesterday. This one only took me one evening so I am getting faster! YAY! I used the tutorial from here (Tutorial is on the right side of her page-THANKS MIMI!) again and this time I made a halter top bodice. I love how it turned out. It had a little blousiness where the skirt portion meets the bodice. This was unintended of course lol but I love the way it looks! I think it makes my waist look smaller. Anyway here are the pics. I haven't hemmed it yet so that is why its on the floor lol.

Some new pics and stuff

FINALLY got some batteries for the camera so here are a couple of pics. We took in about half of the goldfish we used for cycling our tank into the fish store today and brought three baby cory catfish home. We plan on getting about eight all together. Supposedly they will school if the group is big enough. They are so cute! I took these two pics of one of them. They are only about 1" long right now. I'm excited to finally be getting our permanent fish! The next pic is of a salad that I eat frequently. I am learning to make a few new dressings so hopefully I will find one I really like. I am kind of sick of my usual topping of cottage cheese and salsa. Next up is the long awaited pic of the latest shirt I finished. I don't really like it. While I loved the print on the fabric, I have decided that it was not the right print for this style. From far away I just look like a blob on the top half with no shape. Ehh, you live you learn right? I also included a video of Taison playing with our foster puppies outside. They loved each other. We took them back almost a week ago. It took me almost two hours to deep clean the room that we were keeping them in--and I had been mopping it every day! Needless to say we will be going back to fostering kittens instead of puppies. I do not know why it is sideways. It is not so on my computer. Sorry. Until we meet again bloggers!

yes I am still alive

In an attempt to fill a void I have completely immersed myself in the works of Jane Austen. I have so much so that I feel that I am starting to speak as if I am one of the characters. I can't help but use the terms, "Indeed!" or "I dare say..." among others. lol.

Other than that, I started a class on Tues--Experimental Social Psychology. We will be conducting our own study throughout the next six weeks. I may go in to that more later. Peace!

A quick update

Okay so it has been awhile...again. Here we go:

I finished that top I was working on. I took a couple pics but we, as always with a toddler in the house, have no batteries so when I get some I will put up the pic. I start school on Tuesday and I am excited and nervous. I get nervous about everything so this doesn't surprise me. I have gained 4% body fat...WHOA!!! WHAT?! I walked past a big window when I was outside the other day and I could no longer see any muscles in my arms and I thought to myself, "Houston, we have a problem." Soooooo, I already started working out again, what, like a week or two ago, but my diet was sucking. I still eat healthy but I was eating too much which equal--you guessed it--FAT GAIN. lol. So its back to lean proteins, good carbs, and healthy fats for me. I am kicking it down to 2000 calories a day and making sure I suck down 0.5-1 gallon of water a day. I am downing my second 24 oz. of the day as I type.
I just got in from a 40 minute run/walk and I had much insight about my attitude toward running and exercise in general while I was out there today. I planned on putting my feelings down here but now I don't feel like it. lol. Maybe later. Maybe never. Until next time bloggers!

pets and plants

All about pets and plants today.
Rice went to get some Java Moss from Jolly's Reef Shack today. We have been waiting almost three weeks for this stuff...geesh! We looked at the bag and it looked like...well... like a big mass of moss. When we put it in the tank it looked like a giant wad of green hair. It is supposed to creep around and cover things as it grows--like a carpet of moss. So, we tied it to our driftwood and stuffed some in the sand. Hopefully it grows around our driftwood and creates a patch of carpet on one side of tank. For now, it is hideously ugly. lol. Rice also came home with another plant. He could not remember what it was called, "Silver something...", he said. So we have a mystery plant in the back corner of the tank. Supposedly it will get tall. I hope.
We got our first set of foster puppies today also. A girl and boy, France and Rome. They are six week old balls of puff. They are eating, pooping, peeing, sleeping machines. We only have them for two weeks so they won't be able to drive me to insane. They are already more well behaved than Rice's spawn of Satan chihuahua Rico. Ugh! I am yet to figure out how to position pictures in my posts the way I want them so I am just dumping them all over the post today. I"m over it! lol If anyone has any advice for me do tell. What did you do today?

I'm back I think

Well I have been MIA lately...to make a long story short I got really depressed, then started reading the Twilight Series, then just took some time away to hang out and soul search and all that jazz. I took some time off of sewing but I am back in the game now and I am working on a new tank right now. It's almost done so I will be taking some pics in a day or two I'm sure. We have been working on our ever-evolving fish tank. We are almost ready to start putting our tropical-permanent fish pets in!!!! I am excited about that. I can't wait to see the babies swimming around. I think I stated in a previous post that we would be going the live plant route this time. Well we picked up our first two bunches of hygrophila the other day. They are growing but we are definitely going to have to step our lighting game up if we want them to survive. The gold fish seem happy though and they have gotten HUGE! Here is a quick pic of what a planted tank can look like and I posted a video of our little guys swimming around in our tank...it looks so barren compared to the planted tank lol. Well, we will get there. I'm sure I will post pics as the tank progresses. I have been up to a lot of little things but I don't feel like rehashing everything from the last few weeks so we will just start new from here. I will see you soon bloggers.

hope(warning:cursing)

Okay cut the bullshit...I'm taking a moment to get down to what this blog is really about--my deepest darkest secrets. I need to go back to therapy ASAP. I am aimlessly wandering day to day feeling that I have no one to talk to, well, no one appropriate to talk to about my feelings. Well it is horrible timing for therapy right now so I am trying to do a couple of journal exercises out of my book THE COURAGE TO HEAL WORKBOOK. I managed to get through almost half of it when I was in therapy before and it literally almost killed me and all of my relationships.

***

When I was growing up, I hoped that...
someone would notice me...I was dying inside everyday while wearing a smile on my face.
my Mom would stop beating my brother.
Branch wouldn't actually run away and leave me all alone.
Branch or anyone would somehow appear in whatever room I was in and catch Tim in the act.
I was not crazy.
I was never born.
my Dad would not go to hell...this is what I was indirectly told.
I could just live in my room and never come out.
I could have tunnel vision when I left my room so I would not see him lurking naked behind doors around the house.
I could grow up to be a marine biologist and travel the seas alone forever.
if I did whatever I was supposed to do then my family would love me.
I was normal.
I was strong enough.
the man I dreamed about repeatedly would not actually come to my house and murder my family at night.
my brother would like me...that anyone would like me.
I had enough strength to beat my Mom up and get away if it came down to it.
my Mom would not kill herself when she would go into her "other self".
God would somehow explain to me someday why he was putting me through such torture.
I could be pretty like other people.
I could be more like the rest of my family.
I could have been born into a different family.
I could have died in the accident too.
Mom would have saved me from my situation when I told her about it instead of just having Tim and I "talk" it over. WTF!


What happened instead?
Nothing. No one knew I was feeling any of these things so nothing happened. Every day just came and went and I increasingly felt as though I was leading two separate lives; the real one I experienced inside and the one that did everything I was "supposed" to do to please everyone and gain their acceptance.

When my hopes were shattered, I...
wanted to escape...which eventually turned to suicidal thoughts. Suicide became an ultimate escape from it all and at the same time the ultimate revenge on everyone who "supposedly" loved me yet hurt me repeatedly. I also somehow learned to just zone out. I would sit in my room in the dark, lay in front of my stereo on the floor, put my speaker to my ear so I could only hear the music and I would be able to escape from my mind. I would lay there for hours most nights either crying my eyes out or almost completely lifeless...a shell. I still do not see how my mother could not have noticed this. Sometimes I wonder if she just avoided the whole situation. It's not like she was in great mental shape herself.

***

Hope...I pretty much lost hope for people growing up. I don't trust people. I talk in my sleep sometimes and one night when I was asleep my now husband said that I made this horrible face and said, "Don't trust people, they'll fuck with ya." When I woke up and he told me about this I thought...ya...that has pretty much come to be my motto in life as awful as it may sound for some people. That became my survival skill. After all, if you can't trust your parents that brought you into this world then who the hell can you trust. They are supposed to love you more than anyone else. I still have hope these days...a small shred of it...I hope that someday I can get this monkey off my back. I hope that I will reach that light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that I will not die still feeling this way. I hope that my kids never have to experience any of these things. I feel sick so I am going to stop now.

fabric and maxi dress!

Well I went to Hobby Lobby the other day and got some new jersey knits.

The top fabric was for my new maxi dress, compliments of this tutorial, the second is for another top(since I only have two shirts right now lol), and the bottom is for the top that MIL ordered. Well I still have some minor details to finish up and I still have to hem it but here is the new maxi dress!

Here is a close up of the bodice:

I made a good five mistakes on this: bodice is WAY too tight and stretching the fabric under my arms (won't do negative ease next time), prints don't match at seams anywhere (wasn't really trying to but I should have lol), the print on the bodice is running one way and the skirt portion is running the opposite way(oops, realized this halfway through the dress), not really into the cut of the bodice so I am going to use one of my favorite wrap-style sports bras as a pattern next time. So, I learned a lot and I feel like I did okay for not having a pattern and this being my first one. I think I am going to do the next one in a solid color like black. I have been wanting a little jean jacket and I think that would cover up my mistakes on this perfectly lol..Anyway let me know what you think! Any suggestions?

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

     -- Robert Frost

I was introduced to this poem in 8th grade English and have loved it ever since.  This is kind of how I feel about life.

foster kittens, sewing, and baby?

I thought I would finally get some pics up of the three little kittens we are fostering. The first guy on the left is the little stud. He is the only boy in the group and definitely the biggest and most dominant...but he is a big softy and loves to be cradled like a baby. The kitten in the middle is the oddest marked cat I have ever seen. She was the worst off when we got them. I could feel all of her bones and she had fleas all over her. She is extremely cuddly and sweet. On the right we have the "scaredy" cat. It has taken almost all week for her to be able to come out of her hiding spots while we are in the room. Very sweet and shy.

On to sewing...I picked up this used book at my local used book store. There were so many it was hard to decide. Let me just say that I am about halfway through it and I LOVE IT!! It is full of pictures and gives easy to understand information...a great addition to my budding collection. We got paid!! So I will be going to the fabric store very soon. I have at least three projects lined up so stay tuned.





On a more personal note...Rice and I have decided to try for baby(monster) #2. Now that I am in the right frame of mind I hope it goes quickly. Think girl!
Is anyone else just feeling "blah" lately??

Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! + sewing = Rice's pillow

So I am waiting to get paid again before I get any new fabric...budget, budget...so I took an unwearable t-shirt that Rice loves and made it into a pillow. He didn't want to get rid of the shirt and it was just sitting in a drawer. Well, that was driving me nuts so now he says he can put this pillow in his "man/gaming room" when we get a house. Mission accomplished and it only cost me $3. This was my first pillow and my first stab at applique...which was a bit of a disaster lol.

Inspired!

I got some "mommy off time" today and I am TOTALLY inspired! First I picked up some new gladiator sandals. I love gladiator sandals and I have been itching to get some so I'm really excited about that! Then I went to Joanns to browse...alone! It was great...even though Joann's selection of fabric is terrible it gave me a chance to feel different textures and learn what different fabrics are like. I also got to look through the pattern books and price some sewing tools I have been wanting. Well, I have some internet searching to do. I am interested in these two looks for this summer so I am going to try to find the patterns to make the stuff including the bag but minus the cowboy hat lol. I am SOOOO excited.

No motivation lately...

Quickie post...I have been trying to get to a fabric store because I am dying to sew my new summer dress but I am seriously lacking the motivation to get out of the house period. All I have wanted to do the last few days is get up, stay in my pajamas, eat, and watch movies all day. I have miraculously kept up with working out somehow but the laundry is piling up and I really need to do some cleaning around here. My son has to practically drag me across the street to the playground. I think he is going nuts being cooped up inside and I feel bad for him. I did happen to check out a great tutorial on making your own maxi sundress here so I took some of my scrap jersey and gave the bodice part a whirl. It turned out great. That was my first time self drafting a pattern and it wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be. Definitely a sewing confidence boost. Sooooo, stay tuned for my new sundress and a jersey maxi sundress. Also, we finally have some new foster kittens. I picked up the three, five week old kittens today. They are so playful and such a joy to watch. We will have them for three weeks so I will put up some pics of them soon. I have some more posts lined up...just a matter of time and motivation here. I'll catch ya later.

Sunshowers

I absolutely cannot get enough of this song! I think it just may be my current favorite song. I have listened to it so many times I would feel wrong not to blog about it.

New Look 6780 patter review #2

Pattern Description: easy misses knit tops-a lot of different combinations are possible here

Pattern Sizing:size A6-16...I made size 12

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it? yes!

Were the instructions easy to follow?Very

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?I love this pattern...no dislikes

Fabric Used:100% cotton jersey-lime green from Hobby Lobby. This fabric was extremely off grain on one end so I had to alter the cutting layout a little so that I could cut around it.

Pattern Alterations or any design changes you made:No design changes just the change in the cutting layout mentioned earlier.

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?I already sewed up View C of this pattern and my mother-in-law wants View A with the short sleeves and I want to make View A and D still so I will definitely be sewing this again. I love this pattern and absolutely recommend it.

Conclusion: Great pattern full of options for many summery tops. Get this one!

Simplicity 5151 review

Pattern Description: Simple purse with bamboo handles

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes

Were the instructions easy to follow?Very easy--even gave special tips to help me out.

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?I loved how easy it was. I didn't like that I could not find the proper size handles and I did not like the difficulty sewing the handles in. It was easy enough, just really frustrating...if that makes sense. Oh, and I was confused as other reviewers were, about if the pattern wanted 5/8 inch SA or 1/2 inch. I just tried to follow the directions to a T and it turned out fine.

Fabric Used:I used 100% calico on the outside and 100% cotton twill for the lining to give it some more body. I am wondering if I should have just stuck with the calico for the lining as well because the thickness on the seams was hard to get under my presser foot and my feed dogs were having trouble sending it through. However if I just would have sewn in the handles by hand I could have avoided all of this. I still may rip it out and do it by hand so that it will look "correct" to me.

Pattern Alterations or any design changes you made:No design changes except that I used 6 inch bamboo handles instead of the 7 1/2 inch ones the pattern calls for.

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?I have one now so I don't see a need to make another unless someone wants one(and pays me $100 for it lol). I would recommend this pattern but I would definitely say to just save your time and hand sew the handles in.

Conclusion: I have a great new purse for spring/summer and it only took me a couple of hours.

Man pushups YEAH!!!

So this is what I like to do in my spare time lol and sometimes I wonder if someone were to look in our windows would they think we were totally weird. My house is a wreck, I'm working out, my kid is doing acrobats in the recliner while watching Cars for the millionth time (we literally watch this every single day), and my husband is cheering me on as he tapes me doing pushups. Is that weird?? What is a normal night in your house like??

A compilation of things

Ahhhh its nap time. I did a 50% water change in the big fish tank all by myself today for the first time. Rice and I usually do it together or he mans it alone. It took me hours! I'm glad it is done though and I am sure the fish are grateful to have some fresh water. I decided to put our big cave in for them this time. The poor fish have nowhere to hide. I noticed today that when Taison stands in front of the tank the fish all move into the back corners and scurry back and forth at the back. They are terrified of him! I can't imagine why...lol. Now that the tank is cycled we need to figure out what type of fish we want. We had big beautiful cichlids in there before but they were pretty mean and it was a little over crowded so we thought about doing a community tank this time with schooling fish. One problem...that's boring! Now that we have a Betta and these goldfish I have realized that I miss the personality that the big fish brought to the table...errrr tank. All of our big fish had names and they usually did something to make us laugh on a daily basis. So, I think that I would like to have a little of both this time around. So far these angelfish cichlids are at the top of the list. They school too which is an added bonus. We will probably end up setting up the rest of our tank around the angelfish as far as tank-mates. Money, money, money...we will have to get a little at a time. Why do our hobbies always have to be so expensive?! On the sewing front I have cut out my pattern pieces for my purse but I need some more needles for my machine so I am stalled on that until I can get to Joann's. In the mean time I may go ahead and cut out the pattern pieces for my next knit shirt (just a different view on the same pattern I just used). If I take a pic of the fabrics before I finish them I will post it. I am happy to report that I have officially gained 10 lbs. and I know that most of it has to be muscle because I am still able to wear the same size clothes. However, I am feeling a little pudgy in my bathing suit so I am going to start adding some cardio back into the weekly routine. I feel like my core is getting stronger too as I am almost able to make it through the whole ab section of the Tracy Anderson DVD I have. I will get there dammit! She is so quiet and nice yet so hard core. I cuss her out every time I do it. Well, I am off to do 30 minutes on the bike and hopefully an hour of stretching before the little man wakes up. My recovery week is almost over so I am going to have to pick out a new workout plan for the next 4 weeks. I will keep you posted. Tell me what you have been up to today...or lately! Oh YA!! I forgot to put up a pic of my new haircut and check out that sunburn!! lol.

Breakfast, ramblings, and Taison's thoughts...

I woke up this morning at about 11am and made breakfast. I took a picture so I could share a pretty common breakfast of mine with you all (people ask me what I eat a lot). This breakfast includes: 4-5 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1 whole wheat wrap, 1 oz cheddar cheese, 2 tablespoons salsa, green onion, 1/2 cup rolled oats, 1/2 cup skim milk, 1/2 cup frozen strawberries or blueberries, 1 tablespoon honey, cinnamon to taste. I am really full immediately following this but it doesn't take long before I am bursting with energy to start my day. Oh yes and I try to drink 16 oz of cold water between waking up and finishing my breakfast(this doesn't always happen lol).
On to the rest of the morning. I am loving this weather!! I got to hang out with Taison by the kitty pool again today and I have my first official sunburn of '09. Our fish tank finally finished cycling so we are ready to start building the habitat and putting our fish in. I have no idea what to do with the rest of the goldfish that are in there now though. I don't want to kill them and I don't really want them to get eaten. Maybe we can donate them back to the fish store. Rice found all the 2008 pictures that I thought he has lost. I was soooo relieved. I can't sew anything right now because I spent my play money on getting my hair cut. Once we get paid again I should be able to get some more fabric. Recession ya know?! Rice and Taison took a nap together and I did the abs portion of the Tracy Anderson Post Pregnancy Workout DVD I won from fitbottomed girls. I think it is about 30 minutes straight of abs and core work and its killer. Then I did an hour of much needed stretching with the P90x stretch. I have been bulking for a month so I am taking this week off to do cardio, tons of stretching and some core work. After my men woke up Rice went to play ball and Taison and I hit up the playground for a little while. I made homemade pizza tonight--Rice's was pepperoni and cheese and ours was ground turkey breast, onions, tomatoes, and cheese. It turned out pretty good but I am still trying to find the right crust recipe. If anyone knows a good one let me know!
Up for tonight is a little cardio, somewhere between 10 and 30 minutes. I found an old martial arts inspired cardio DVD I might check out. It looks like it will make me laugh because I am very uncoordinated and I will basically just be throwing my arms and legs around. I hope I don't hurt anyone! Other than that its just hanging out with the fam, watching the boob tube, and surfing the net until bedtime. Have a great night!! I will leave you with this...

Happy Anniversary

Today is our first anniversary!! We almost forgot lol. We have been together going on six years now so its not a monumental day or anything. Then again I guess it is so...kudos us. I got my hair cut this morning which always makes me feel brand new and it was great to have the alone time. Rice and Taison went to "Grandma's" house while I was getting my hair cut so I had some extra time at the mall to do some RTW snoop shopping. Basically I pick out lots of different clothes from the new season stuff and try it on, making note of what looks good on me and what fabrics I like. I also browsed through shoes and there are SOOO many that I want for spring/summer. I just have to be patient and try to budget a couple in. After we all got home Taison and Rice took a nap and I got to do some research on some different fabrics I want for my next project and I ordered the Simplicity 2638 pattern. When Taison got up we went outside and played in the kitty pool for about an hour, came in, ate, and headed to the gym on base to shoot hoops. It was a blast and Taison loved it. We will definitely be doing this again. I love that he is getting older and we can do so much more with him. I have learned that I am SOOOOO not a baby-type person. Now we are home and hanging out. I think hubby and I are going to watch a movie together tonight after Taison goes to bed. I am looking forward to that. It was another great day.

A great day and a new book!

Great day! Got up at 7am for once and got a lot of cleaning done early. Finally paid off the last of our medical bills today and got almost all of Rice's stuff paid off. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest! We are one step closer to home ownership! Exciting!! I went to one of my favorite little places today, Chamblin's Bookmine (a huge used book store), armed with my gift card and picked up this book. I was having a hard time picking fabric for my sewing projects due to my ignorance on the subject so I am excited to have this as a reference. It was beautiful today and we all played outside for about an hour before conking out for an awesome four hour nap. Got up and made turkey burgers with fettuccine alfredo and broccoli, worked out, and now I am watching Cars for the 193rd time!

It's done! New Look 6780 pattern review

Pattern Description: Four basic stretch knit tops-I made View C.

Pattern Sizing:A 6-16 (I made a 12)

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes!

Were the instructions easy to follow?Yes very

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern? I liked how easy this was to put together even for me as a beginner. A great top and a sewing confidence booster. No dislikes

Fabric Used: Cotton blend stretch knit from Joann's-60%cotton, 40% polyester

Pattern Alterations or any design changes you made:Well, I made two of these actually. The first one I lengthened 4 inches to accommodate for my height(a rookie mistake) and ended up with a great little beach cover up as it was too long. The second one I made exactly as the pattern said.

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others? I will definitely be sewing the other tops on this pattern and I totally recommend this pattern!

Conclusion: Love this top and it was super easy! Get this one!!

My new top....errr dress.

I wanted to make a top...

and I ended up with a dress! lol

Here's why. The pattern I used said that the standard height for my body type was between 5'5 to 5'6. Well, I am about 5'10 so I lengthened the pattern 4 inches...right? WRONG!! I still do not know why this didn't work. I must have the upper body of a 5'5/5'6 female and just have longer legs. I mean I knew I was high waisted but man! Maybe someone can enlighten me on why this didn't work. Another weird thing is that my base of neck to waist measurement is the same as someone 5'5 to 5'6...WTH? Anyway, I love this top/dress lol and everything else turned out perfectly so next time I will just make it according to the original pattern. Luckily this was my practice one so I will start on the REAL one today. I had a great experience with my first knit garment. Just for kicks here is my SUPER long top with some capris~maybe you can get the idea of what it is SUPPOSED to look like lol.

Domestic duties...

I just got back from dropping my truck off at the Autoport and walking back home. I thought it was 1-1.5 miles but it turns out that its 2.5 miles! It ended up being a beautiful 45-60 min brisk walk. My ears got cold though and that dampened my spirits a bit. I think I may even walk back to pick it up in the morning. It really puts in perspective what a sedentary society we live. Even though I work out I cannot imagine living in a world where I had to walk everywhere instead of drive. Luckily I have the option!
I have domestic duties to do today--make bread, do all the laundry, clean the house, clean the fish tank, blah blah blah. I just hope my patterns come in the mail. I hope to pick out what fabric I want for them today too.
I watched Bankok Dangerous last night with Nicholas Cage and it was "eehh", not great but not bad either. I also caught up on The Biggest Loser. I love it! I can't stop wondering though how the pregnant host of the show, Allison, is not boohoo bawling at LEAST during every elimation. I mean everybody is crying and I know when I was pregnant I would cry during TV commercials! Maybe she does cry but they clean her up during takes or something. Anyone else's take on this? Okay well I'm off to start my day officially.

BOOOOOOOORing...

I am so excited to report that the tank has entered its second stage of cycling. The ammonia levels were 0.0 today so that means that the new bacteria is converting the ammonia into nitrite and sure enough the nitrite levels have risen to 0.5. Wow do I ever sound like a nerd!
I'm taking my truck in to get fixed early tomorrow morning and I may walk the 1-1.5 miles back to our house. It sounds peaceful and practical, for if I do it at a brisk pace I may be able to get in about 30 minutes of cardio. I hate paying the money to get my old clunker fixed but I am going crazy just sitting in the house with my little monster so I will do what I have to do and I am thankful that we have the money to do it.
I started two photo albums last night--one for me and one for Rice--that contain pics of our lives before we met. They have spaces next to each photo to write something and I think it will be cool to look back on the stories of the pics. We also have a ton of pics of us together before we had Taison so I think I might make that into an album too. Our kid(s) can see someday that we did actually have a life before them!
Well Taison is up from his nap now so I am leaving. If I have anything else to say I will make another post tonight. BYE!!

Pattern review for New Look 6854

Pattern Photo:	New Look Pattern Info
Pattern Rating:	Easy & Great for Beginners
Fabric:	Denim [See other projects in this fabric]
Pattern Description: Five different skirts. I made View D here are the back and side views Pattern Sizing:Size A 8-18 I made an 8. Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes Were the instructions easy to follow?Yes very What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?The liked that the pattern was very easy and not very many steps. Fabric Used:100% cotton denim(thicker) for the final skirt. I first made the skirt using 100% cotton plaid (thinner) to practice. Pattern Alterations or any design changes you made: I originally wanted to make View E but according to the final measurements on the back of the pattern it would have been well above my knee as I am tall so I made View D and took the hem up 5 inches instead. Also I made the hem 1/2" longer in the back than in the front so that it would appear more even. I extended the front darts down another 3 1/4" beyond what the pattern calls for because on the practice skirt I made there seemed to be too much excess fabric there for my body. This helped but it still didn't "cure" the problem. I have never tried any alterations before so these were all just trial and error for me. The lady at Joanns said to use an invisible zipper instead of the regular zipper the pattern called for so I did and I used basting glue on the zipper instead of machine basting it in and that was a lot easier for me except when I got done I realized that I had put the zipper in facing the WRONG way! Next time I will check an extra 14 times before I do anything. Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?I may sew this again but I will definitely use a lighter weight, stretchier fabric. I was looking for something a little more casual so I will probably make another view from this pattern soon. I would recommend this pattern to others, just to use a lighter weight fabric than I did. Conclusion: Bottom line--basic, classic, easy, pencil skirt, great staple for any wardrobe and easy to make.