100 posts strong!

I've had this blog for three years now and I just hit my first 100 posts milestone.  Thank you blog for always being there for me.  Thank you blog community for being who you are but more importantly who you're not.

A journal prompt...

from Dave Ellis's Becoming a Master Student.

What I want from my education is...

Options, self discovery, and self-actualization.  An education is something that no one can take away from me.  It opens my mind and therefore the world up to me and the knowledge I gain gives me power.  It opens up career opportunities that I would not be privy to without it.

When I complete my education I want to be able to...

Make a comfortable living for myself and my family and be happy doing it. 


I also want...
My children to see me finish something and set a good example for them of commitment, integrity, determination and accomplishment.  I want to equal my husband in education.  I want to be as self-reliant and independent as I choose.  I want to make sure that should I decide to further my education, I will be in a  position to do so.

workout blahness...

So I used my workout today to attempt to exercise a few demons. 32 minutes of trying to ride as fast as I can hoping that I can leave some of this shit behind me. This is often what ends up happening during my workouts where I am alone and have access to my music. Anyway, it never works but it does help to feed my anger which in turn feels good to me (think strong, empowerment, control) and helps me kick my workouts up a notch which is usually a good thing. Well, I am still supposed to be taking it easy with my workouts and I did not today which in turn left me with getting off of my bike with a limp (went away after a few minutes though).

My playlist for today was...on repeat
Eminem-Beautiful

Eminem-I Think My Dad's Gone Crazy

Incubus-Pistola

My last thought for this post is that this was the first time I have worked out "by myself" since the baby was born 7 weeks ago and I needed that shit! Good shit! :)

SUPER grammerless rambling straight from brain to keyboard (no filter) about my mother

Okay these are literally thoughts with no filter so excuse misused/mispelled words and gross grammar.

So today I had an epiphany. I hate my mother and don't want to be like her at all but people tell me a lot that I am just like my mother, both in mannerisms and character. Generally, I try to do the opposite of what she would like it is always in the back of my mind...what would she do, okay I will do the opposite.This brings me to what I was pondering this evening. Right now I am a stay at home mom(so was she) and I have a hard time imagining myself in any 9to 5 career. I just can't figure out what the hell to do with my life without wanting to off myself on the interstate on the way to work every day. I have thought librarian, therapist, writer? What? I have learned about myself that I need a lot of alone time for intro/retrospection. I kind of stay inside my own head most of the time just thinking about things. Well, I feel like because I feel this way (about not doing the career thing) that I am being like her and shunning the outside world. Which makes me crazy because normally I would do the opposite but I know that would make me unhappy. So I feel like I am one step closer to becoming my mother which is one of the worst things in my mind that I could become or be like. It is suffocating being her daughter. Obviously I can't get away from her DNA and whether I like it or not I have it in my genetic makeup. So,I will be like her in ways whether I like it or not. A thought that I would have rather never been born than to recreate her in any way. Anyway, this all led me to think that lots of people don't do 9 to 5 jobs and probably feel the same way that I do and that doesn't mean they are becoming my mother so why should I feel that way. Ugh, I had all this clear and in order in my head not 30 minutes ago and I was begging myself not to lose it and now it is gone. I can't remember how it all went together. Basically, I can do whatever I want and it doesn't matter because this is just something I will deal with for the rest of my life. I can see myself worrying about if I being like her as an old lady. The bigger picture being that every single person on this planet is dealing with little idiosyncrasies such as this in their lives and that is just one of the things that comes with my little person package.Well, anyway here is something else I have just realized. I hate my mother not only for the way she was but for the things that she indirectly took from me during my time with her. Things that I can never get back. I am still so bitter and I know it is not good for me, or rather, have been told that hundreds of times, but as of right now I don't know if that will ever go away. I often wonder what I will feel when she dies. Will I have regret? Will I feel free of her? Will I be happy? Will I be sad? I hate that I am bitter and resentful due to other's actions. I hate that I let them affect me this way. Well, there are too many new things popping up in this noggin of mine and I can only type one sentence at a time. I may be back later, maybe not.

news but no news

Well, this is the belly at 37 weeks. I have not forgotten you blog, I'm just desperately trying to keep my depression above water a.k.a. no delving into my deep feelings and writing about them. Other than that I have done a TON of cooking but am too tired to post about any of it and I haven't touched sewing for months. I am looking forward to it though once I start losing ALL this WEIGHT!! That's all for now. Next time we meet I may have a pic of my new little one to share. Happy blogging!

New books and baby bump

Oh ya! I forgot to tell you all that I have acquired four new sewing books that I am currently reading cover to cover. So exciting!!! Yes, I am a nerd. So far they are GREAT and really informative. I can't wait for my body to finish "expanding" and then to "shrink" back to a stable size so I can really get down to mastering fit. Oh and just for giggles here is my current 27 week baby bump/mountain. :)

Pattern review-Simplicity 3762/View B

Pattern Description: Maternity knit and woven tops

Pattern Sizing:Size R5-14, 16, 18, 20, 22; I made size 20 (GAH! I wanted to cry, joys of pregnancy)

Did it look like the photo/drawing on the pattern envelope once you were done sewing with it?Yes, minus the inset. (Sorry for the blurry photo)

Were the instructions easy to follow?The instructions were a little more complicated than I thought they needed to be but I was able to follow them okay. It seemed like there were a few things that could have been done an easier/better way if one knew how and had the confidence. I had some ideas to make things easier but just went ahead with the instructions.

What did you particularly like or dislike about the pattern?I like that these will feel good during my pregnant summer months due to simple fabric choices, but I feel like these are a little "overly" maternity. Just because I am pregnant doesn't mean that I want my clothes to scream "maternity". Also, the casing for the elastic seems too small to get the elastic stretched evenly throughout. My fingers were raw trying to ease it all the way around. I couldn't get it right though so the elastic part is a lot tighter than I think it is supposed to be.

Fabric Used:100% cotton knit

Pattern alterations or any design changes you made:Once I finished the shirt and tried it on the inset was huge and gaping so I just cut it out. Once I did this however the casing that houses the elastic kept flipping up and showing. See below for my ideas on this.

Would you sew it again? Would you recommend it to others?I don't think I will make this view again because it was not very flattering for my "pregnant" arms but I will try others on this pattern. I will leave out the insets from now on and I will be using a different method on the elastic casing part and definitely making it wider.

Conclusion: Though there are much cuter maternity clothes RTW in stores I do have to say that this shirt is super comfortable. I will keep this one for around the house and try some of the others on this pattern. If you have big upper arms I would not recommend this view though because it was rather unflattering on me.