Monday, April 9, 2018

Feelings getting in my way

Today I feel like the me I know best. Insanely loud music in my ear to drown out the thoughts, a tear in my eye, lonely with a chip on my shoulder and a me-against-the-world attitude from being fucked with one too many times, and enough emotion and adrenilne coursing through my system to do whatever needs to be done, consequences be damned. This, I've learned, is how I deal with sadness and/or hurt if it goes on too long. I was sad over the weekend, deep down where I tend to hide these types of things, and apparently my ass-kicking side had enough and took over this morning to alleviate the problem. This is all well and good except there's no problem to solve. All that's needed is acceptance of the way things are, each day, no matter how it may differ from past days, and with the knowledge that a lot can change from one day to the next, I have no control over other people, and nothing...NOTHING is guaranteed to be here today just because it was yesterday. Daily. Acceptance. Its hard!
So...I'll continue to go back and forth between sadness and anger for awhile until I wear myself out, have a good cry (or a few), and then move on with this life of mine.
I'll leave you with what's been on repeat for me all morning. This one goes back!
I'm out fam...

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