Written as myself

It started on the way home from the humane society. I was listening to Beyonce's new CD and I came upon a song called "Hello" and it hit me within 10 seconds of the start of the song. A small ball of nerves in my stomach, growing, growing. Moving upwards into my chest. Making me feel like my body is physically hurting. My throat tightens. The song ends but I need to hear it just one more time so I play it again. I have to feel this more, longer, my realest, truest self, the most beautiful and ugliest part of me. It has been awhile. The tears start to well up in my eyes, forming heavy tears that start to fall. I start to grip the steering wheel. I feel a sense of pride, anger, rage and strength wash over my body. I have harnessed the anger I keep inside and unlocked the strength mentally and physically that I feel would enable me to kill another human being. I yearn for a release. I fantasize of violence and destruction. I want to hurt everyone that has ever hurt me. This feels so good, thrilling and at the same time terrifying and terrible. I have so much love for this person inside. No one can EVER fucking touch me again. Where would I be in life without my anger. It drives me everyday to strive, succeed and do the things that scare me. So I put the song on repeat, curl up in a ball, clinch my fists, grind my teeth, tense my whole body, scream, moan, cry and experience these feelings. I am home now and Rice and Taison are on the way home right now so I know I don't have much longer. As soon as they pull in this will leave...until I am alone again. Goodbye.